Journal through menus

From March 9 2025 - with post script after my dad died March 21 2025:

I've mentioned before that when the going gets rough, I make food. It is how I show I care; more, it is how I cope.

As my dad is in home hospice care, as he is dying, it is hard to cope.  So I have attempted to record my recent journey by journaling through menus. 

Making food and sweeping floors and shopping and visiting- all these little actions are love. Love is an active verb.

My siblings- Sister D and Brother C  - and I received messages that seemed that our dad's situation was urgent in late January 2025. We all changed our plans (which had been later dates, and staggered- Sister D and Brother C going ahead, Brother C flying home and Sister D staying when I drove to join her mid February) to leave sooner and go together.

It's a long trip from our Michigan homes to dad and his wife DW's home in Alabama near Mobile.

We drove first to our cousin's house in Murfreesboro, TN. We brought a small Sander's bumpy cake for them, and hid the large bumpy cake we brought for our dad and his wife DW. (Bumpy cake tends to disappear in our family!)

Jan 25- We were arriving around dinner time to our cousin's house and our cousin SL had offered to make spaghetti. When we got to Murfreesboro, Sister D noticed the hard financial times for them, so we ordered Chinese take out for them. We thought we ordered enough that there would be leftovers. Almost all was scarfed up! Cousin S & her son K updated us on the on-again/off-again adoption of Cousin S's grandchild KL. It's on again. No idea what to pray for there, as the prospective adopting family is unstable and unpredictable, and Cousin S's health is in no way compatible with raising a challenging 5 year old.

Jan 26 - We left the next morning early enough to arrive in Daphne AL by late lunch/early dinner. Our dad's wife, DW, had made chili and her daughter RL had made cornbread. We greeted our dad in his hospital bed in the living room. We figured out sleeping arrangements.

Dad's wife DW had been sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was her preference, to be near my dad. Her daughter RL and RL's partner J used the double bed in the upstairs bedroom. My sister and I took the twin beds in the other bedroom upstairs, and my brother camped out in a recliner in the living room with Dad and his wife. It was cramped, to say the least.

Jan 27 - We were still settling in, and it was still a large group, with RL and her partner J. We learned the routines of trying to tempt Dad to eat something, of shifting him higher in the hospital bed so he could sit up, of how to lift him to his feet and onto the seat of his rolling walker to bring him to the bathroom. Who had time to cook? Instead we ordered Thai food take out, because the Chinese take out is closed on Mondays. 

Jan 28 - Tuesday. Unfortunately I can't remember everything! I made spinach quiche for breakfast, that I remember. RL and partner J were still staying, as they were closing on a house in the same neighborhood as Dad's house. 

Soon after this, Sister D handled breakfast for everyone just about every morning.

Jan 29 -  Wednesday. RL and J headed back to Michigan. My sticky buns are a favorite, so I had started the dough the previous evening. I got up early to finish the buns for breakfast; but I was coming down with my first ever migraine. When Sister D came downstairs, I handed the task over to her and headed upstairs and back to bed.  I slept until 1:00 in the afternoon.

Jan 30 The next day I made favorite comfort foods: Meat loaf and mashed potatoes, green beans. 

Jan 31 Crock pots are the best! I made beef stew and we had sour dough bread to sop up the juices.

Feb 1 On Saturday, DW's son RF and his spouse JF came to visit. My brother and sister and I had our day out; we drove the long route to Orange Beach. We had lunch at the Pink Pony, then found a new bar on our way back, quite near in Fairhope. It's the Tongue and Groove Drinkery. Great bartender who dug up free merch for us. 

Feb 2  RF and JF had spent the night at their aunt's, DW's sister, who lives in the same neighborhood. They came back for more visiting. My favorite oldest daughter, BI, came for a quick visit between book events in the south, promoting her new novel. Dad was alert and asked about her book and the events. My brother C left to visit his friend in Florida for a while that afternoon. I made poached chicken breast on noodles with steamed broccoli.

Feb 3 I was feeling like comfort food. I made goulash sort of like my mom used to make. I used elbow macaroni, tomato sauce, garlic, ground beef- I kept some separate for me, then added Velveeta to the rest. This was lunch and snacks for the next couple of days.

Feb 4 Sister D made nachos- one cheese only for me, and ground beef and cheese for everyone else. Lots of veggies!

Feb 5 Wednesday - I drove brother C to the airport. He flew home to Michigan, and Sister D and I stayed in Alabama assisting DW and our Dad. We ladies like vegetarian cooking just as well, so Sister D made Stuffed Green Peppers. 

Feb 6  - We were feeling tired and not up for cooking, so we just boiled some hot dogs. This was not to Sister D's liking, so she skipped dinner.

Feb 7 We had some chicken still, so Sister D made Chicken Chili Soup & Salad.

Feb 8 DW's granddaughter CP and her spouse DP came to visit. Sister D and I arranged a Charcuterie board lunch for them and then we took off so they would be able to have their own time with Dad. Sister D and I went out and about, and found a beautiful restaurant located at a marina with pet-friendly patio dining and delicious cocktails.

We came back for the mac-n-cheese, green bean casserole, and salad we had prepped for all.

On Sunday Feb 9 I made Roast Chicken, baked potatoes, green bean casserole, salad.

On Feb 10 Sister D Chicken Quesadillas with the leftover chicken.

On Feb 11 with the leftover chicken carcass and chicken, I made Chicken noodle soup.

On Feb 12 I made Beef stroganoff - I kept some separate so I didn't add the sour cream for my portion, since I don't combine beef and cheese.

On Feb 13 Sister D made home made Chicken pot pie which was delicious!

On Feb 14  - ore somewhere around there- I made To Die For Blueberry Muffins. We shared them with Dad's visiting nurse! It was Valentine's Day. Sister D and I went thrift shopping for curtains and curtain rods to make my dad a makeshift bathroom next to his bed. It was Valentine's Day, so we gave each other chocolate treats and ordered Chinese Take Out.

Feb 15- Saturday- Sister D made English muffins with egg and turkey sausage patties and used up leftover potatoes. DW made salmon in parchment with asparagus and dill. We watched movies: An Unfinished Life and Carry On. We tried the curtain commode. Failed. Dad had a rough night.

On Feb 16 Sunday I made Broccoli Cheese soup to have ready for my daughter CM who came for a short visit.

Feb 17-  We went out for lunch, and had a light grazing supper. Daughter CM had time with Sister D, time with me, and we gave DW a break too!

Feb 18- Charcuterie board was a great idea, and we still had all the ingredients.

Feb 19- Pizza. You can't cook every day!

Feb 20- Chicken Parmesan- My sister D and I collaborated on this and we made a lot so DW would have meals ready for her daughter  RL who was coming for a visit..

Feb 21- Meatloaf- back to comfort food. I made a double batch- some for right away, and some to freeze.

Feb 22 - Spinach quiche- this is an all time favorite for the family.

Feb 25 I have a record of making noodles and broccoli.

Then we went home for a couple of weeks. Sister D and I both had appointments with doctors and other housekeeping issues back home. We got caught up with bills and with yard work and I did some more packing- through all this, I was trying to get my house ready to list. I was suspended between Ann Arbor with my new condo, where I had my bed and my clothes and not much else, and Holly and our old house of 35 years that I needed to pack up, spruce up, and sell.

Which you can't do from Alabama when your old home and new are in Michigan!

While we were back in Michigan, DW's daughter RL was back and helping. My brother and his wife drove back down. His wife stayed a few days, then flew back to Michigan;  Brother C stayed. 

About two weeks later, we headed back to Alabama. My sister and I traveled together in her truck, and my dog stayed with my son JE and his family.

As ever, my sister's dog traveled with us.

We went by way of South Carolina this time, to visit my daughter CM and bring her a few things as she settled into her new home and I was divesting from my old home.

On the way, we were rear-ended which ended up totaling my sister's truck, and added to all of our stress for the rest of our journey,  as we now had to drive back with my brother in his truck when we eventually headed home.

Still, Sister D and I and daughter CM decided to have a girls night out- because we sure could use one!

We were warned that my dad was deteriorating. He was now eating almost nothing. He had lost even more weight. 

And he no longer got out of bed. He was wearing disposable underwear, and had to be changed and cleaned by us. It was a two person job.

I don't remember everything in those next two weeks or so. We were back on March 10 or 11. 

He died on March 21.

All three of his kids, his wife DW and her son RF were all there as he took his last breath. 

May 17- Updates on Stressors and The 95th Anniversary Event Part 1.

 This was a long day that accomplished much. A lot of stress, but on balance a good day.

The day before, Thursday, I called my brother CE in case he was available. I described the water problem. He said it should be a relatively easy fix, and one that he could do for me. He said he'd come over the next morning, Friday May 17.

Whew.

On Thursday also I worked my fanny off with other committee members for our big-deal 95th+ celebration: table cloths, table settings, storing excess coat racks and whiteboards, making things ready for a banquet and special worship service. LOTS of steps, exercise, work.

We worked extra hard, because as I noted in a previous post, I had learned that Ken's close friend JH was in the hospital, so his wife KH wasn't available to help as planned. AND, once I was at temple to start working, we learned that SH, who was also going to help, was not available because her mom was in the hospital...

So.

Friday.

My brother came early. I had coffee ready. We went downstairs. He said, yep, this is fixable, I can do it. Then he showed me where the bypass was and turned the valves and voilà I had running water! Hard water, of course, and I still can't do laundry until the pump is replaced, but it will happen. He's coming back Monday.

He left, and so did I, for my mammogram appointment. That went smoothly. Uncomfortable as always, but it went smoothly.

I had enough time to pop in to my house and walk my dog before heading to the temple to open up for the flower delivery. Once again, I was the only one really available with a key and a code to open the building. 

Flowers were supposed to be delivered at 2:00 pm. As I was driving, GPS said I would arrive at 1:41 PM. I was debating getting a drive through sandwich or something because I was HUNGRY but I decided no, I would wait. After I let people in maybe I would sneak out and grab something.

I arrived at 1:42 PM. 

The flowers, supposed to arrive at 2:00 PM, arrived at 1:51. 

Good thing I passed up the sandwich. I was the only one in the building to let them in.

The flowers were lovely. These arrangements above went in the sanctuary. The photo below shows the table settings we worked so hard on the day before, now completed with the floral arrangements.

Others of the committee arrived at 2:00 PM, and once I was confident most bases were covered, I left to go home, walk my dog, and get dressed and made up.

On the way home (around 2:30) I grabbed that sandwich.

I walked the dog, and made sure she had water, and got dressed and made up. I printed out a guide to the service so that I could stage manage. I printed out the most current table assignments (I truly despise table assignments, and I ended up doing the table assignments and also revising them because... that's how it fell out!). I headed over to the temple.

I helped punch out name tags.  I wasn't originally scheduled to sit at the greeter table, but I landed there and it was good that I did. We learned that JH and KH weren't coming, due to JH's hospital adventures. Another person confirmed they wouldn't be able to make it. Coming in to the event, we had 3 open seats of 64 place settings. These cancellations gave us 3 more. 

We ended up having 6 add ons!

Since I had the list of table assignments, I was able to place the newcomers efficiently. 

WHEW.

Dinner started more or less on time. We entered the sanctuary more or less on time. 

The service was lovely. 

The Oneg after the service found people visiting and table hopping and hobnobbing for over an hour. 

WHEW.

Now I need to practice my songs for tomorrow (The Event Part 2), so that I won't freak out, then get through tomorrow and hopefully find a more peaceful path through the next days and weeks. 

Mother's Day

 Posted a week later:

This day, May 12, essentially went according to plan. Amazing.

We planned to meet in Kalamazoo- close to halfway for those coming from Chicagoland and from Southeastern Michigan.

We found a dog-friendly restaurant with a patio and prayed for good weather.

We planned to include CM from South Carolina with a FaceTime call.

All those things happened.

My friend CR came to stay with my dog since I would be gone all day.

Son AJ and fiancée JJ drove me to Kzoo (since I had tire sensor and / or pressure issues with my car).

We all arrived at the restaurant at about the right time.  The weather was fine for outdoor dining. The dogs behaved. The grandkids gave snuggles. Auntie CM called and we passed the phone around the table and everyone had a chance to chat.

The food was good.

The weather stayed fine and we found a dog friendly playground nearby and kids and canines all had a an opportunity to stretch their legs and enjoy the fresh air.*

It was really lovely, and it filled my heart.

My son JE and family drove me back to their house after, so I could meet cute foster kittens and get my car and drive home.

The gift from all the kids was a quilt made from Ken's tee shirts. A gift of warmth, comfort, and good memories.

*Remind me to tell you about the child at the playground that seemed to be angling to be adopted by our family!

May 7

 Tuesday May 7 would have been Ken's 75th birthday, and it was tough, and honestly, it's just one milestone after another lately- it feels nonstop. 

Son AJ came to be with me for the week. He came in Monday night, taking the train to Ann Arbor (actually, he tried to take the train to Ann Arbor- Amtrak's direct route was interrupted and Amtrak put all the passengers on a bus in Battle Creek- why can't we have bullet trains like all the other countries?) and son JE and I and JE's family picked him up from the station. We all went out to dinner. AJ and I came home to my house.

The next day was Tuesday, Ken's birthday. My recent theme of "nothing goes according to plan but somehow we make do" continued. We (AJ and I, JE and his kids) had *planned* on going to a minor league game- the Toledo Mudhens, Ken's native Toledo and a farm team of Ken's beloved Tigers. There were thunderstorm predictions, and tornado warnings, and although we kept watching the weather, we made the wise decision not to go to the minor league game.

We all (the kids and I) did some different things. BI shared memories with her family at breakfast, ate some of Ken's favorite foods, had a run, took a sunset walk with a friend, had a Chivas nightcap with her spouse- not her favorite beverage, but Ken's. CM and KG went to a minor league game near where she is in South Carolina.

We all gathered on Zoom to share some favorite happier memories about Ken around lunchtime, as many were working. I mentioned the first birthday gift I gave him. One by one, the others shared some memories too. CM shared the last story, a hilarious reminiscence of Ken walking with her and talking, and talking so randomly- and letting loose a stream of farts that he had hoped his conversation would cover!

In Michigan, AJ and I cleared the cupboards of some of Ken's favorite foods that I don't care for and also stopped at the grocery store to buy some of Ken's other favorites- like licorice, that I don't like- and also some Hershey's kisses (because, hey, maybe the people at the food bank don't like licorice either) and then we brought the bags of goodies to a local food pantry. 

We drove by the school where Ken used to work, and took pictures of the tree that the school planted in his memory. It is in leaf now. We shared the pictures with the other kids.

AJ and I went out to the Coney Island restaurant that Ken liked for lunch, and I had what Ken always described as their "world famous homemade corned beef hash and eggs" and AJ had veggie hash- as close as a gluten free vegetarian could get. 

As JE's work day was winding up, AJ and I drove back to Ann Arbor. The rain had let up (although it was predicted to come back- and did, with a vengeance) so AJ, I, and all of JE's family went for a long walk around the neighborhood. When we came back to JE's house, we ordered pizza (gluten free for AJ) and had dinner together.

The storm raged all around us, but no tornadoes in Ann Arbor.

While we were having dinner, we traded some stories about Ken. AJ and JE were able to bond and reminisce about how Ken was not a good cook- at all. They both shared the horror of the memory of when Ken made them leftovers (combined): macaroni and cheese combined with tunafish heated in the microwave! JE's spouse JP laughed out loud for a while at that!

After dinner, we played a few different games all together.

It was a very typical family gathering that Ken would have loved.

AJ and I headed back home, and chatted through the hour long drive. 

The next day, AJ and I found time to go to Ken's (and my) favorite local ice cream shop.

We all had some tears and also some smiles and even laughter. It was good to touch base with each other.

Milestones still ahead- Mother's Day tomorrow, Father's Day next month, July 4th family gathering as well as my birthday, CM's, and EC's. August will be unveiling Ken's grave marker.

And then it will be September 9, a year.

Holiday in the season of sorrow

While Christmas is not my holiday, it is for many that I love. This entire season is triggering on many levels since Ken died.

Thanksgiving was hugely challenging. The kids and I planned to gather in Chicagoland in homes and hotels. We knew it would be tough. We worked hard to make choices that would make it easier on all of us: only cooking or baking the foods we really wanted to make, and ordering pre-cooked items for the rest; a more relaxed timeline; easy games with the grandkids. 

My son J and his family in Ann Arbor tested positive for Covid the morning of the day that they were to leave to join us in Chicagoland. 

Hard missing Ken, and then hard missing our son/brother and family to grieve together, to play together with grandkids/cousins. 

We made it through with full hearts, full bellies. We literally cried in our beer. We had some breakdowns and some build ups. We came out the other side.

Since then, there has been  a trip for me to North Carolina to visit my friend SJR and Chanukah. 

The trip to North Carolina was great. Walking every day, sharing our losses- the good memories and the hard memories- laughing some, weeping some. Cherishing each other. We've been friends for more than 50 years. There is a special ease in sitting with someone who knows your history. 

Chanukah was tough. Emails and calls with the out-of-town kids. CMK and KG were staying with me- mostly. JE and family came up from Ann Arbor for the first night on Thursday and we were together, with grandkids and that eased me a bit. Friday, the second night, was at my temple, with dinner and Shabbat service, which was lovely.  I felt the shared community.

The next night was a gathering- a Chanukah party at the rabbi's house. Attending that, in retrospect, was a huge mistake. I felt isolated and set apart from my community. Not feeling any party vibe. Feeling alone in a room of couples- and those who are solo for a long time. I sneaked out early.

CMK and KG left Sunday morning. That night was hard, lighting Chanukah candles in the darkness all alone for the first time in my life.

I muddled through the rest of the week- met with my sister once, went to grandson J's band concert, lots of grading of my students' papers and projects as they made a mad dash to somehow pass the class. 

On Thursday, the last night, I drove to JE and family in Ann Arbor and we had dinner, and candle lighting, and some gifts. Grandson J was sick. We were pretty sure it was a reaction to vaccines and sedatives that he'd had that day, but we masked and distanced anyway. J was fine the next day, so we are confident that is what it was. In an odd way, this made it seem even more family, more like home. Daughter-in-law J cradling her son J's head, while I was masked and rubbing his feet wasn't the typical holiday, but it was family.

The next night's service, Friday Dec 15, had been intended to be led on Zoom by 88 year old Bob and me. Bob called the night before to say he wasn't up for it. We were able to hand off to the rabbi (who had been wanting that service anyway) and that freed me up to do more grading. The 16th and 17th I was grading, grading, grading.

Except on Saturday, when I took a break to drive to Hurley hospital to visit my friend KD who had broken her hip *replacement* inside her body. She was going to have a hip replacement-replacement in the next couple of days. 

On the way home from visiting her in the hospital, I stopped by my sister's house. Her son and daughter-in-law M & M were there and we visited and shared a dinner. That was a good visit. 

I came home and was talking with son J in Ann Arbor figuring out plans for getting my car in the shop and my dog to stay with J and family. We talked to Diane too and since it was agreed that we could leave later on Monday, we decided that J would drive to my house and we would take my car to the dealership and then Diane would pick me up from my house. J had to be at a computer by 9:00 am for a work meeting.

It worked out almost like that. 

J headed out but there was snow, traffic, and the highway was shut down. So I took the car in later, Diane picked me up from the dealership, and took me back to my house, where J had arrived and was on the computer with his meeting. We loaded up- later than Diane wanted- headed out. J kept working, then took my dog with him on his lunch break to Ann Arbor.

Diane and I had a long drive from Michigan to Tennessee. We had some snow and traffic in Cincinnati, but otherwise made good time. We stayed at our cousin's that night. We stopped for a drink at S & S palatial home, then on to cousin SL with her son KL. Stayed up late talking. Made ice cream drinks (Hummers). Diane was able to spend some individual time with our cousin. 

We spent most of the next day with our cousins. We left after lunch for the first of two legs of the trip to Alabama near the Gulf where my dad and his wife winter.  We arrived at lunch time Dec 20. My dad's birthday was on the 23rd, then Christmas Eve and today, Christmas Day.

Every place I go, I remember Ken. This is the trip we had been making for years- down south, stopping in Tennessee with my cousin- last year with both my Aunt B and Sherri, it was me and Ken- and now, my sister and I with my cousin and her son. My aunt died in April, Ken in September. 

I am ready to say goodbye to 2023. I'm sure there were good things that happened this year, but for me this year is stamped with loss and conflict. 

Sunday musings

 I'm trying to give myself permission to not-do shit. Actually, trying to forgive myself for not-doing-shit. 

Because I'm not doing shit.

I have this vague guilt/thought/feeling that I ought to be grading papers, contacting students, pushing ahead with the next lesson plans.

I should be contacting all the kind friends and family who have given support and love over the last several weeks.

I should be writing more, cooking more, cleaning more.

I should be working out.

I should...

But I'm not.

I've done a lot today: walked* and fed the dog; rested on the couch so that I could hear my early-rising grandson and scoop him up for morning snack and quiet activities so that his sister and his dad could sleep for a while; made coffee; made breakfasts; watched over grandkids; made lunch; watched grandkids some more...

I don't know what to do about my lethargy, my disinclination to do anything.

Clearly, I am doing what's necessary. I am. 

I will do all those "I shoulds" at some point.

I just don't have the energy to tackle it right now. 

When any one of those items becomes necessary, I will do it. 

But right now, they are not urgent. They can wait.

And I don't want to do it.

*I am trying to walk with the dog every day. Even if it is not far, it is a part of a routine that may help heal.

August 6-25: Doing sh*t, need to write about it

So long without logging in! I have been faithfully logging my temp. Trying to catch up.

 August 6 Thursday

97.4 F 

Mom went for iron infusion at Karmanos. My sister is watching my mom's dog. She has decided she can handle this for a while.

August 7 Friday

97.4 F

Attended Zoom Shabbat led by the rabbi. We don't hang out after the service- maybe we should.

Meanwhile, having done most of the Marvel Universe on Disney+ we are doing Marvel on Netflix. 

Also, I'm reading Just Mercy. I'm in reading circles at Byzantine U, but not checking in much.

August 8 Saturday

97.7 F

I managed my course-copy for both of the University courses I will teach- online- in the fall.

August 9 Sunday

97.7 F

Mom had a scary episode with low, low blood pressure. We had her keep drinking fluids, rest. Allowed some salty snacks.

August 10 Monday

97.4 F

Had a weird dream where, I was sampling- we were all sampling- food from a stew pot- but we had each (household?) dumped in our food in different spots. Some was burnt. I felt like I was sneaking to sample from different places in the stew pot.

Later (real life):

Mom had HIGH blood pressure! Her physical therapist came. We agreed to monitor blood pressure- if Sys >150 or Dias >90 for two readings, we will reintroduce the Carvedilol (low dose).

Checked in with my dad. He had a cyst in his ear, with wax build up. He was told to go in for X ray- but apparently they MEANT C-T scan, so-- he has to schedule an appointment. 

Made banana bread.

August 11 Tuesday

97.9 F

Gave Mom a sitting bath. Made tuna noodle yummy oodle. 

Pest control came out and sprayed perimeter outdoors.

I did a Kroger pick up order, which surprisingly Ken and I were able to pick up that night. However, more than half the items were missing/ out of stock. Of course, I had said NO SUBSTITUTIONS because I'd ordered kosher hot dogs (which were of course out of stock).

August 12 Wednesday

97.7 F

I had crazy dreams, but all I remember is... I had crazy dreams.

We continued our Zoom sessions with granddaughter E: topic- bugs with thumbprint bugs in a jar (drawing). We had stamp pads for our thumbs, then  pressed on the paper and added details for our bugs. Fun!

Mom's appointment with Dr. P her oncologist was okay, but I wasn't allowed in. It was a thing. Mom wanted me in; I told her I didn't think they would let me. I brought her up, and dropped her off, and went to her house to clean out her fridge. She started texting me to come, she was ready to see the doctor. I did come back in. Long story somewhat shortened, the office manager, when I came up, told me no visitors, and that I had to leave the building. Dr. P did call me- and we talked over the questions (he agreed with the monitor blood pressure- if Sys >150 or Dias >90 for two readings, we will reintroduce the Carvedilol).  

 

Aug 13 Thurs

97.4 F

I cleaned Mom's shower chair (that I had picked up on Wednesday from her basement) and caught up some of her laundry. 

Worked on Wayne State. 

 Mom treated for take out dinner from Red Devil. Lots of road construction- Ken's 5 minute commute home was over 1/2 an hour.

Aug 14 Fri 

97.9 F

I had a dream that there was some kind of large worship service, sort of like one of our wealthier relative's kid's b'nai mitzah.  There was a small child with a part in the service and I ended up helping the little girl by standing at the podium with her while she whispered in my ear and I repeated her words into the microphone. There was video, and it captured me in close up, especially my chin and lips speaking, and my tilted head listening. I knew I was helping. Later I sang- I think just with the congregation- and  it was noted as beautiful. I remember we urgently had to get out of there, and there was someone who had aspects of LL (whom I don't like ) and aspects of KL and CG (whom I do like). In the dream she was glowing with praise of my singing and speaking and she clearly knew me. In the dream, I knew I should know her, or had known her, but I couldn't place her. 

On this Friday, we had Mom's appointment with her primary care doc, Dr. T, who agreed with the monitor blood pressure- if Sys >150 or Dias >90 for two readings, we will reintroduce the Carvedilol. He also felt it was fine to discontinue two other meds. Less is more. He shared his dad is not doing well with his cancer prognosis/ treatment, during Covid-19. Genuine connect on sympathy. 

Had hoped to pick up Mom's new walker- but the med supply place declined because we didn't have a doctor signed Rx. Great. 

Went to Diane's so Mom could visit her dog; visited with Diane while Mom napped! Then drove home to work on stuff - Diane delivered Mom home right about the time we were starting to participate in services! 

Got call from Dad- Covid-19 scare as bro's wife  JGLH's grandkids' babysitter had tested positive, and JGLH had seen the grandkids before visiting with Dad and Doris- bro CEH and JGLH shuttled Dad and his wife Do to their outside gazebo, disinfected their house, and left to go back home, with distanced waves. So Dad said.

Participated in service via Zoom, led by our friend Sharon- her first time leading! I sang kiddush and motzi.

 

Aug 15 Saturday

97.7 F

  Put E's next packet in the mail. 

Had yoga on Saturday instead of Thursday, with son A and JJ on Zoom. Ken had a board meeting (Zoom) on Thursday, so we couldn't do it then. 

I was cranky with Ken (because I couldn't be cranky with my mom).

Aug 16 Sunday

98.0 F

A gray and grumbly day. Still couldn't do yard work, because lawn mower still in the shop. 

Got lots done on WSU stuff.

Aug 17 Monday

97.7 F

Wrote the Monday ladies' email (since this is the week we don't Zoom, just email). Continued to work on WSU. Anxiety spike; self-talk down.

Aug 18 Tuesday

97.7 F

The nurses at Karmanos straightened out the med supply people, so I was able to pick up Mom's new walker. Picked up Mom's mail as well. Her income tax refund finally arrived! 

In my morning pages (I'm writing 3 pages every morning) I noted again that I am afraid of my neighbors being white supremacists. 

Aug 19 Wednesday

97.7 F

It was cool this morning; I bundled up for coffee on the deck. 

Our Zoom session with E was fun with learning about spiders! We read Mighty Spiders by Fay Robinson, and talked about the parts of spiders and spiders in general, and then we showed her how to make spiders to eat - out of Ritz crackers, pretzel sticks, and peanut butter. We still had time, so we read Caps for Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina. Great fun.

Had late night snack of crackers and cheese. Too many calories, too late at night. Oh well. 

Aug 20 Thursday

97.9 F 

 I checked- Mom's auto pay of health insurance is working!

Mom and I scheduled a trip to her house and shopping and banking and lunch- all out of the house so the cleaners could clean. Because Princess kept jostling my elbow, my Kroger order never registered so when we went to pick it up, I wasn't in the system! Plus SO MANY road closures and detours, poorly marked - AND the cleaners were still there when we drove by-- so we consoled ourselves with drive through ice cream, and then went home to a clean house- although they had broken one of my photo frames. No biggie- not an heirloom or anything. 

We did our Zoom yoga with Adam and Jenna. Mom also visited with them for a bit.

Aug 21 Friday

97.4 F

I rescheduled the Kroger order for SEVEN A.M. so I got up early and got on the day. Did it. Got it done. 

Mom's PT Raj came today; I was starting challah for the Shabbat supper. He was quite interested. He commented his wife makes bread, but with just flour and water-- naan, I'm guessing. 

I made some of Ken's favorites for supper: kosher hot dogs, tater tots, spinach, corn- and challah.

We attended Zoom Shabbat, led  by Paul F, his first time leading also.

Aug 22 Saturday

97.5 F

Used up leftover pasta, rice, veggies from the fridge into a couple of different casserole-ish dishes. 

A very long day for Ken- we had tried to get Gus' car started, couldn't, called AAA for jump, it started,  but stalled out on the 5 minute drive to the repair shop- EXTREMELY LONG SAD STORY, in a very hot day- Ken called AAA at 9:00 am, didn't finally get home after seeing the car towed to the repair shop (not even 10 minutes from our house) until almost 7:00 PM.

YIKES.

First world problems, ytppl problems, amiright?

Aug 23 Sunday

97.7

I think this is when I played Roblox with the grandkids a bit. I was terrible at it. I will learn.

Aug 24 Monday

97.4 F

This day swiftly derailed. 

Mom and Diane had decided Diane would pick Mom up, bring her to Diane's for a visit with Diane, and also with Mom's dog. I was going to work on Wayne State stuff, have my 1:00 pm Zoom call with classy ladies- Marcey, Beth, Leah, Meg, Christine, Kathleen, (Kim and Claire, but they are usually not available). 

Well.

As Diane is on her way to pick up Mom, I check to confirm  that the pick up today of computer headsets is just for faculty that ordered them- then learn that NO, the U has ordered them for all faculty- including me. So my window is from 1:00-4:00 in Detroit. 

Ah.

So, arrange with Diane that I will leave door unlocked, in case I am not home by the time she drops Mom back home. I plan to do my phone call, then leave about 2:00, get to Detroit by 3:00, pick up headset, get home.

I also have a check to cash (can do that on the way), and the van is stocked with all our recycling (I can recycle at township offices on my way home).

Okay, a plan.

Then I get an email from the U that Zoom is down for many in the Eastern USA. I email the classy ladies; don't hear back except from BI, respond to all that I will try at 1:00, if nothing by 1:10, I will sign off we will figure it out.

At 1:00, MW is there (she hasn't seen the email) we chat, no one else shows up, we sign off, I leave. 

(PS this is day one of Ken's audit, his major- and stressful- event of the fiscal year, in a challenging fiscal year. So he has sh*t happening too).

I stop at bank, no problem. It's very hot; I stop at Tim Horton's and pick up an iced tea and drive to Detroit.

The directions to a specific parking lot- GPS leaves me at an intersection. I drive around for 40 minutes- lots of road closures, detours, no signage.

It's also hot.

Finally pull over, find campus map kiosk, visualize where the parking lot is (it's BEHIND ANOTHER PARKING LOT, and it's on a service drive that goes BOTH WAYS FOR JUST THAT BLOCK). 

I get into the lot, to pick up my headset, with 10 minutes to spare. Great. 

It's just in time for drive time home.

Great.

And it's hot.

Also, the AC is not working well AT ALL in the van.

Make it to the recycling center, off load recycling in the heat.

Ken is in contact via text. He is also held over with audit. 

We both make it home at about the same time. We commiserate over vodka and sparkling water.

Diane arrives with Mom. We share a drink and a meal.

Things are a bit better.

But it was a long, LONG, hot, HOT day.

Aug 25 Tuesday

97.8 F

Took Mom to an appointment with her cardiologist. He agrees with the other docs about the BP, Carvedilol. He seems okay with her heart status. 

We return home. Mom's PT arrives a couple hours later. He encourages her to keep working- build that strength.

Ken and I have our Tuesday scheduled video call with son JE, his wife JP, our grandkids JD and L. It's a good call. 

Then Ken and I drive out to the auto repair shop, to swap the van (work on the AC! and oil change) for the car parked there. Gus's car is fixed. New battery.

It's just bullet points, mostly- but I'm caught up!

5779: On the eighth night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Last night we lit all eight candles, ushering in the last of the eight days of Chanukah.

So today, here are your last gifts.

I am not-giving you socks.

It's not because of your age.  Although, according to this chart, socks may soon bring you joy:

Anyone know who created this chart? Because I'd LOVE to give them credit!

It also is not because there are no really clever socks out there- how about these:

Make sure your pants cuffs are long enough, and/or don't cross your legs at that meeting. Unless you really want to make a statement about that meeting.

These socks also seem to call your name:

So there are appropriately inappropriate socks out there for you.  However, socks are related to stockings, which really are for a holiday in another tradition, so... no.

Also not buying you hand-wearables (I would say gloves, but if you will recall the HANDERPANTS that I did not-give you already, there is some confusion these days with what is appropriate garb for hands!).

There are hands masquerading as feet:

It is noted on the site that this is sold as a Finger Foot. Not Finger Feet-- although they declare that IF you buy two, they will probably find a left and a right Finger Foot.

Or these:

I did not scrutinize the fine print to see if you have to buy two, or if they assume you are ambi-duckstrous*

Also not buying this:

Although now, I believe we have strayed from the apparel to the a- puppet realm of gift giving. Why wouldn't I give you this delightful handicorn? Who wouldn't love a unicorn at their finger tips?

Many reasons, but two come to mind:

1. Handicorn sounds too much like candy corn, thus completely confusing a sugar holiday with a fat and carb holiday. Plus, you shouldn't chew your fingers.

2. Please note which finger is lifted to salute you with the unicorn's horn. WHAT KIND OF SALUTE IS THAT?

This does not sound like a unicorn thing to do. This is much more a cat thing to do.

Farewell until next time.

Once again, I harbor hope that I will be writing more in this blog between now and next Chanukah, but in case I don't or in case you don't read it if I do, take care of yourself and please come back and read me next time!

_____________________________


* Not apologizing. Why do you expect it? HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?

5779: On the seventh night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

I was SO CLOSE to actually posting each day of Chanukah on the actual DAY.

The seventh day was my downfall.

Here is what I fully intended not-giving you on day seven of Chanukah:

Snacks.

The festival of lights is the FEASTival of fried! We celebrate oil! We make lotsa-latkes! We fry up some sufganiyot (that's hot jelly donuts, my friend!). We eat chocolate gelt (gold foil wrapped around chocolate so it looks like MONEY!-- I have no idea why this is a thing, somebody help me out here, but it is definitely a thing!).

So we eat. But not these things:

I found assorted gums with clever titles: I hope eye rolling counts as cardio gum, I’m sorry I called you an asshole—I thought you knew gum, I have PMS & GPS: I’m a bitch and I WILL find you gum, I’m not sarcastic I’m just mean gum, cat butt gum—

Okay, that last one wasn’t especially clever, but you get the idea. These are just GUM with labels*.

You are a creative guy. You can label your own gum. 

Also not buying you these:

 

Or these:

Snacks, yes. But do these say Chanukah to you? Chanukah is fats (all that oil!) and carbs (all those potatoes!). Don't let the cheddar cheese or the sour cream & onion fool you-- these are protein snacks**!  

Besides, how would you know if you were crunching an ordinary cricket, or your conscience, by Jiminy?!?

Nope. 

I did consider these mints, though.

However, the timing is all wrong. You are far too young for Retiremints; and let's face it, Atonemints are more properly offered at Yom Kippur.

I hope you had a happy seventh day of Chanukah!

 ______________

*At least, I HOPE cat butt gum is just regular gum with a label saying cat butt!

**I know this because when I was substitute teaching, I taught a science class to fourth graders about eating bugs. "BUG BITES. Earth Science News for kids in Scholastic News."

5779: On the sixth night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Welcome to the sixth day of Chanukah!

What's on the not-giving agenda for today?

Some of you may know that my DSIL and DD* are now homeowners. New homeowners, and long-time homeowners, are sometimes tempted to "Do-It-Yourself". DIY. Just YouTube that pesky project or troublesome task and GET 'ER DONE!

I applaud this. I truly do, not withstanding that I have, over the course of my nearly 30 years of homeownership, accumulated a motley mix of epic fails at DIY and smart-move outsourcing (because I like being married to my husband, I will cheerfully pay for SOMEONE ELSE to install ceramic tile).

So, I leave these decisions to you- DIY or DDIY**.

However, be cautious. Don't get hurt crawling under plumbing or reaching the unreachable light (I have one of those unreachable lights. It is an eternal mystery how the bulb will ever be changed).

Because if you hurt yourself, you might need traction. And I am not buying you this:

WHAT IN ALL THAT IS HOLY HANUKAH*** IS THIS?

This, my friends, is a portable spinal traction device. Why bother with doctors, hospitals, and all that red tape and white gauze? You can DIY spinal traction.

You can "Relieve Back Pain with Daily Use." Just three easy steps: 1. Lie Down. 2. Bend Your Knees. 3. Push.

I profess myself a skeptic.  I have used those three steps multiple times for various activities, but not for DIY spinal traction. I'm not starting now.

And neither are you.

Not to mention, this was an offering at the GROCERY STORE. Not the supermarket where they sell tangerines and tires, but the straight-up GROCERY STORE. #notgroceries

Not buying it.

Guess what else I'm not buying you?

 

Do It Yourself Dentistry? Oh, no.

Not buying it.

Why?

Is it safe? No.
No, it's not.

______________________________




*Dear Daughter, natch.

** Don't Do It Yourself, of course.

*** Actually, Hanukah is not the "holiest" of holidays, but  "What in the Jumpin' Jewish Traditions" didn't have the same ring to it.

5779: On the fifth night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Welcome to the fifth day! We are already more than half-past Hanukah!

How time flies! It's mind blowing!

Speaking of mind blowing ... here's what I'm not getting you:

It's an emergency brain! Just inflate!

It's true, I've had more than one occasion that another brain might have helped me out. But honestly, with the news today, my mind is blown regularly.

I figure it's the same with you.

I don't need another mind-blowing experience.

Besides, how much help would this emergency brain truly be? Clearly, it's an airhead.

Food for thought:

(These are gummy brains. Chew on that for a while.)

5779: On the third night of Chanukah, I did not give to you...

It's late. The candles have burned low and finally gone out on this, the third night of Chanukah.

A good thing, too. You wouldn't want an open flame around the gift I'm not giving you tonight.

This is a fart bank.  Or, more accurately, a farting fanny bank.

Here is the bank in the box:

It says: Drop some loot & hear me toot.

Clever, eh? It's a gas!

That may be so. Butt I think it stinks.

First of all, it's plastic. But it doesn't accept credit cards. Seems contradictory.

Then, it requires batteries. Not included. Not good.

Finally, flatulence is a fickle fiscal foundation.

So there. 

5779: On the second night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you:

The sun has set, and so we light the candles for the second night of Chanukah.

There is something of a tradition for night number two.

For instance, last year 5778, there was this festive fecal reindeer.

In 5775*, we considered shittens and subtle butt gifts.

In 5774, even though the post was for nights one through four, it was really all number two.

In 5773, back when it all began, night number two (heh - heh) started this tradition.

You can guess where I'm going** with this, right?

So this year, I am not giving you this:

 "One of the amazing things poop can do is create beautiful white sandy beaches."  Did you know that? I did not know that. Apparently, it's true. Because SCIENCE***.

This book is one in a series of the POWER of POOP. Other books in the series include:

And more:

Also: 

(This is actually a thing: Check out the power of poop here. However, this site, even though it is SCIENCE, makes me nervous, because it has a Do It Yourself instructions link, right under "Is Fecal Transplant for You?" DO IT YOURSELF???)

Then there is this:

 


This is actually something I could get BEHIND****. 

POOP CAN SAVE THE WORLD! Check out the VIDEO 

Finally, the book series (and perhaps the world) ends with this:

I'm not sure I want to know.

Anyway, as useful, educational, and world-saving as this is, I did not get you the Sand-Beaches-with-Poop book.

WHY, you may ask.

Is it because you don't have lake front property? No, that's not it-- you are close to Lake Michigan, AND a splash pool park, so where there's water, there can be beaches, yes?

Is it because I fear fecal fish? No, 'fraid not.

Is it because I don't believe in the power of poop? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? In this season of miracles, I BELIEVE!

No, it's just that-- this book is available at your local library -- YOUR library, DSIL :-) 

That's where I took the picture. 

SO, check it out!

 
Now I'm going to go light the candles.
If it's safe to light a match.



* I don't know why we missed the tradition in 5776 and 5777 -- but if you noticed, what is the number of years we missed? That's right, number TWO!

** GOING, get it?

*** No, really, SCIENCE. Nova even has a website on GROSS SCIENCE about the power of poop.  And also on how pee can change the world.

**** BEHIND, get it??

5779: On the first night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Hi, friends. I bet you are wondering what I did NOT buy for my DSIL* this season.

I give you (actually, I do NOT give you) the light up holiday 3 piece suit:

It comes in a variety of colors:

 

Oh, yes it does!

Pretty snazzy, right? Here is the manufacturer's description:


"Each suit is made with durable, comfortable polyester fabric that includes a flexible waistband for added comfort. It comes with 20 LED lights that you can turn off/on."

How about that! It's durable! It's comfortable! It has a flexible waistband (a nice option for these feastivals, I can tell you)! Wearing this, you can GET LIT!

So WHY, you may ask, did I NOT buy this for you.

1. Cultural reasons. Tonight is the first night of Chanukah. It's Chanukah not-giving. You can say "Holiday Suit" until you are red (and green) in the face, but this is clearly a Christmas Holiday suit.

2.  Ecological reasons. BATTERIES IN YOUR CLOTHES??

3. Kindness to your other clothes reasons: I wouldn't want this to overshadow my DSIL's pineapple suit, which he does own and does wear:

4. Redundancy issues: I am not 100% certain my DSIL doesn't already own, or hasn't at least WORN, one of these suits. The half-face on this model looks suspiciously familiar, especially as posing in suit #3 of 4!


Enjoy the holiday! May you be among those who bring light in the darkness!


*DSIL = Dear Son-In-Law, for whom I have started and continued this tradition.