On the second night of Hannukah, I did not buy for you ... #2!

It's the second day of Chanukah. So, what didn't I get you last night?

Well, it's night number 2.

Number TWO.

We have something of a tradition going with number 2. The first year, it was T.P. or perhaps underpants. The second year, it was a variety of items including woods wipes and fart filtering underpants. (Granted, in 2013, several days were bundled in one day. The theme remained the same, though.)

Maybe I should still bundle. Because there is SO much to choose from in this scat-egory.

For instance, if fart-filtering underwear is going too far, just stop at fart filters.

Fart filters. Perhaps same butt model as Shreddies.

So, you can use your OWN underwear and still "fart with confidence.*"

Fart filters. Look great on the buff buns above. However, why do I feel that in REAL LIFE, the filters might look like this:

OR like this:

I'm guessing, not the image one would want, right?

BUTT wait, there's more!

Apparently, flatulence filtration is a hot topic. There are choices, people. Shreddies, in addition to fart-filtering undies, also sells fart filters separately. There are also:

or:

Or maybe you prefer getting to the seat of the problem:

Chair pad for flatulence odor control.

See what I mean about choices? There are even these:



These are fart silencers, and yes, according to this article, "it goes exactly where you might guess it would go."

Finally, what if the flatulence is substantive? Just in time for the cold weather, I give you:

These are "mitten-shaped wet wipes". They promise to "make wiping fun." You need them "'cause poop is gross."

Good to know.

Not gonna buy 'em.

Bye for now.

*Shreddies' slogan