dream houses

Another house dream.

This one in some senses was almost like a flea market, big open rooms that didn't really belong to me but where I had a right (more or less) to keep my things.

Sort of like the unfinished room in a business that lets us keep our theater troupe's stuff there.

Any way, I had stuff on a table -- Dickens style jackets, and other junkie stuff. Someone-- two women, gossipy-- came by and put their stuff on my table. Some of their stuff was a boom-box sized and looking device that was playing some movie that they were watching. I said, this is the table where I have my stuff, they said, well we are putting our stuff here too.

They started moving the table-- now it had wheels-- toward their space, some other place. I said, well how will I know where my stuff is?

And they shrugged, kept wheeling and watching their movie.

So I followed and scooped up all my stuff and put it on a wooden chair that had a high, two-post back. I looked for someplace to store it.

There was an already over-flowing storage space that seemed to be in a basement. I put my chair full of stuff in a corner as I went exploring for more space.

There was a wall with audition-type notices-- you put up your headshot and people would come by and pick you. But most of the head shots looked like comic strip characters. I thought about it but realized my schedule was still not flexible enough.

Somewhere in the dream were Lavinia and my mother. Don't recall now where they fit in.

And at some point in my dream I poked my head into the attic, and I saw that there was a large gap in the window frame held open with insulation. The window in the attic was big like my dining room window.

I came back down and told others we should take out the insulation that was prying open the window frame and caulk up the gap. I said I just knew it would make a big difference in energy costs.

They just shrugged and weren't interested.

Then it started storming. I called it hail, but it looked like gobs of fluffy snow thrown at the windows.

Not the attic windows, though. I had come back down.

Note: in real life, I don't think I have ever poked my head into our attic even to look.

the failure of excellence

I was raised with the expectation that excellence would be rewarded.

"Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door."

I understood this to mean that if you do something well, if you excel, you will succeed. Many anecdotes, comments, proverbs all reinforced this idea.

So, I have been laid off my teaching job.

I am an excellent teacher. I know this from student comments, student evaluation scores, and from seeing my students go on and continue to succeed.

So why wasn't this enough?

You can say it's the economy (it is), you can say it is the ridiculous tenure system (it is), but I still feel betrayed.

the house of my dreams

I dreamed a house dream last night.

Over the years, I have dreamed a lot of house dreams. When I was younger, I dreamed of tornadoes. However, in the past 20 years or so I have dreamed a lot of house dreams.

It is mostly the interior of the house. This time, it seemed it was the house I had lived in when we lived in Brighton. But it was different of course. It was even bigger. There were verandahs, on the second floor as well as the first. Hardwood floors on the verandahs, and rails all around. There was something about moving-- moving away, and then by the end we were moving back in. It was happy to move back in, but lots of cleaning to do, and re-establishing chairs around the table, putting furniture where it should go.

Waiting for people to leave... the people who had lived there before? Then I turned to my daughter with satisfaction, we can settle in now.

There were display cases-- with almost diorama displays. Outside on the upstairs verandah there was a display case that had large "normal size" chairs in different shapes, and then in front china/porcelain figures set up as if dancing at a ball. I knew that it was an old setting and I would need to put in my own.

The change in the duplex was that the house was now an open design, and there was a washing machine in the kitchen.

Dream analysis says that to dream of a house is the dream of the Self.

Of course, dream analysis pretty much says EVERY dream is of the Self.

According to one source, a balcony (say, the upper veranda) refers to the desire to be noticed, to gain prestige and recognition. A porch meaning your social self.

Seeing the floor refers to support. Fences (railings?) represent obstacles.

Moving and updating... the obvious, right?

My dreams have always been fairly transparent.