Poisonous comedy

The good news is that the show went marvelously well in the end.

The bad news is that the stress on me was just not worth it.

The story begins with an overabundance of good news: Enough actors tried out so that we could have TWO complete casts. This is great to have all these eager and interested young people. It is stressful for ME as director to creatively, cleverly and appropriately cast 28 as opposed to 14. I rose to the challenge: the casting was quite brilliant, in fact (she says modestly).

ONCE the cast list was posted, then two actors dropped. Significantly, they were not cast in lead roles; unfortunately, BOTH were actors who attended the school hosting our production, which left us with fewer "hometown actors" and posed a challenge to our legitimacy in being in the building.

(oh, by the way, we were using this facility because the previous school that we had made arrangements with... all rent free according to verbal agreement and even email agreements...suddenly went to the board and announced charges that were a minimum of $1000 -- rent-- and could grow to about $2000-- adding snow removal. We politely declined and found another space).

So that was challenge one. Then, as we all started reading the script, the number of hells and damns proved off putting to parents, so we moderated these to hecks and darns.

Then parents of two (sibling) cast members (after rehearsals had started, mind you) set up a meeting to discuss the language and the kissing... kissing that DID NOT INVOLVE either of their children!! We spoke for over an hour and the mom (the parent rep who attended) seemed much reassured; her daughters continued to attend rehearsals, with mom in the background laughing and commenting what a great show it was.

Then a brief email from these parents that said that the language changes were not enough, and they were withdrawing their daughters from the play.

!!!

THEN another actor (who had actually attended far more rehearsals than his "twin") dropped unexpectedly, saying he thought he could balance multiple commitments but he couldn't... AND he was the one with access to the critical window seat for the dead bodies that is central to the action of this play.

MEANWHILE another parent is starting in on me regarding a phrase (again not one that either of her children speaks) suggesting a connection between eroticism and religion. I told her it was a "throw away line" meant to be tossed off playfully and not the focus of the dialogue; that I would consider her concerns but I didn't think it would be a problem in the playing of it.

Fast forward to runthroughs: this parent attended a runthrough and fired off an angry email "surprised and disappointed that the 'throw away line' wasn't TOSSED OUT."

Feh!

So I emailed with my board who agreed with me and wrote to her:

I regret that you were disappointed when you heard the "throw away" line at the rehearsal Monday. I regret that I was not clear enough when we spoke; by "throw away line" I meant a line meant to be said as light and funny, not as a line of no value. The line is just a part of the scene, not the focus of the scene. I did consider the change you proposed; however, I am confident that the scene plays well as written.This particular line is a character note, that communicates that Mortimer is an intellectual person, and Elaine is someone he needs that keeps him grounded. As I have mentioned, I feel that the play is clear in its writing, and in my directing, that Mortimer and Elaine clearly are interested in a wholesome marriage; this teasing and flirting is just before Mortimer proposes marriage.It is my strong conviction that in no way is this play smutty or prurient.I have spoken to my board of directors about this, as it was clear that this is important to you, and I did not want to speak for myself alone. The board is in agreement with me on this. Our troupe is a troupe for teens, rather than children. We want to be able to do plays that allow young people to think and stretch creatively. While we always hope our troupe is fun, it is not for fun alone, but also to encourage growth in leadership and creative excellence.Again, I regret any discomfort that I may have caused by being less than clear in our previous conversation.

***********

So then I waited to see if THESE TWO actors would drop; but no, they attended and continued helpful as ever and no reference was ever made again.

Fast forward to final dress rehearsals, and wrapping this up quickly:

At final dress rehearsals, one of the (double cast) leads was clearly not solid on lines!! I spoke to her firmly, and "just in case" made sure that her "twin" was on hand the next night for opening... So, on that opening night, she came early, worked lines with me, then with her brother, then with her co=actors.

STILL-- about half an hour before the performance was to start, there was a mini-conference happening of lead actors -- without the one under discussion-- IS she ready? CAN she do it?

I broke this up, spoke with our actor: can you do it? She said yes. I said, well we have to tell the team that and so I directed a return to team bonding and confidence and then, sure enough:

THEATER MAGIC

The opening was fine, great all went well...
and in a twist of karmic justice, the "twin" that everyone was counting on and hoping to put in on night one, on HER opening on night two, stumbled multiple times!!

THEN
last day, last performances: and a stubborn little teen (female playing a male) suddenly refused to remove her eye make up... which she HAD removed the day before...HUGE stubborn scene, again about 1/2 hour from opening...She threw down, okay if I can't perform unless I take off my make up, I won't perform.

I said, fine. If you decide you will take off your make up in the next five minutes, great. If you decide you won't perform, fine.

I then made arrangements for her "twin" to be on call.

At the last possible second, she caved and took off her make up; I let the twin know she could stand down. I also made nice so the team ensemble spirit remained.

I even got an apology after the show.

And the shows, miraculously, all went well.

Note on personal growth: I did not take this teen's tantrum personally AT ALL. I was very clear it had nothing to do with me and tons to do with the family dynamic and I was just caught in the crossfire.

Yep, this comedy was a lot of laughs.

Now, the age old dilemma: vodka or valium? I choose vodka!

family stories: switched at birth

this is the story that my mom told me about her paternal grandfather:

There were two women who gave birth at the same time at the same hospital. One of the mothers died; the baby of the other mother died. So the ?nurses? switched the dead baby to the dead mother, and gave the live mother the live baby...

So that although I can do the genealogical research, without DNA I won't know FOR SURE how far that line goes back...

vent

So, I teach an intro class at the university level. It's an intro class, and satisfies a gen ed requirement. I believe that an intro class should be just that, an introduction to the university environment. Therefore, I structure the class with opportunities for extra credit, with opportunities to turn in work early for evaluation and feedback so that the student can improve the work and re-submit for a better grade.


I submitted the grades. Every semester, some fail, usually because they stopped attending or didn't do the work. IF they do the work, they usually end up with a B or better.

So this semester, B+ and A- grades were practically *gifts* to several students who did NOT take advantage of the repeated offer to turn in writing early so that it could be evaluated and resubmitted for an improved grade; who really didn't participate much (participation is 20% of the grade).

AND THEN

Two or three of these students asked WHY they got a "low" grade!!!

30% of the grade for this class is a writing assignment, which these students turned in BARELY in time (not early, for an opportunity for feedback). The assignments from all of these students were shorter than the minimum length AND full of grammatical errors.

THEN when I wrote back with a detailed explanation of how I arrived at the grade, the B+ wrote back saying, thanks for the explanation (in which I explained how I arrived at 86.95, a B+), and could I "bump up" the grade to an A-!!

I wrote back, ah, NO, if I "bump up" a 86.95, that makes it 87, which IS STILL A B+!!

So, I am NICE and then they want MORE??? I should have offered to re-evaluate the writing and grade it more appropriately!

professionalism

So have you seen the commercial where the customer has her hair all up in rollers and the stylist is yakking on the phone and the customer tries to say something and the stylist snarls "I'm ON the PHONE!"

Yeah, well that was me and my mom at our last hair cut. Oh, the stylist wasn't snarling at us. But she was taking calls, making calls, stopping the blow drying to gossip with the receptionist about other customers.

TURNING OFF THE BLOW DRYER so she could hear the gossip better.

ARGHHH!!

It's bad enough that neither my mother nor I are big on hearing random about people we don't know (and, I wonder what she says about US when we aren't around). BUT I am in a hurry. I have to get to the theater to check in my actors.

So after my mom's cut & blow dry, I get in the chair and say I'm in a hurry, I will forego the blow dry, I need to leave by 11:30 a.m.

My mom's cut & blow dry took an hour. My cut, with apologies (but still a couple of calls) took twenty minutes, so there was still 10 minutes for a blow dry.

On the upside, my haircut and my mom's are both great.

On the down side, I am looking for another stylist.

Really!

I go for a haircut to feel pampered. I expect to have the focus and attention of the stylist. I always thought the receptionist's *job* was to answer the phone and say, "I'm sorry, she's with a customer right now, may I take a message," then take the message and give it to the stylist AFTER she finishes with the customer/client.

Both my mom and I wondered, has this woman never seen that commercial? Impossible! It's all over the tube.

Instead, she, like so many of us, has seen this flaw and laughed at it and never applied it to herself.

Dale Carnegie

I am a fan of Dale Carnegie.

I am. No apologies.

I first encountered Dale when I was young-- maybe 10 or 12. My dad was taking one of his courses, and he was sharing some of the insights with me as he was driving me somewhere-- maybe picking me up from Girl Scouts?

Anyway, part of what he shared with me at that time was that a really important skill was really listening to people-- taking an interest in what interested them.

(Frankly I think he told me this to shut me up from babbling....)

As part of the course, Dad got the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Because it was printed matter, and in my house, I read it.

I know it's a sales manual, essentially. It still makes a lot of sense. Recognize people. Use their names. Give positive reinforcement. Listen.

It all made a lot of sense. It helped. It didn't rescue me from total geek-dom, but it helped.

I survived junior high, didn't I?

Fast forward to my adult years. I have children, they become teens, and through 4-H, the kids take the Dale Carnegie Course.

I refresh my memories of the Carnegie wisdom.

A few years later, one of my sons, seeing me stressing out, suggests I read "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" from his Dale Carnegie course.

I read it... or re-read it, I can't remember. Part of the formula for the "stop worrying" part is: Ask yourself, what is the WORST that can happen?

Acknowledging the worst that can happen is remarkably freeing. One of the examples in the book is a man who is present in a country (foreign to the U.S.) when there is a violent coup. What's the worst that can happen? Well, the new powers-that-be could decide he's a threat and execute him. So, that's bad. Recognize that. And what can you do to minimize the chance that the worst will happen?

This is great. Acknowledge that some things are out of your control. Acknowledge that you do have *some* control over some things: your attitudes; usually, your own actions.

So: there is a lot going on in my life right now. (So, what else is new?) There is A LOT that I cannot control.

Acknowledge that.

Then, do what I can to minimize negative outcomes; do what I can to maximize positive outcomes.

Health: the health of several that I love is compromised or in jeopardy. There isn't much I can do; I am doing what I can.

MY HEALTH: I am taking action by increasing exercise and making better choices in eating.

Career: I am ticking off one by one the jobligations that I have: finished one commissioned interactive play; finishing up teaching assignment at University; countdown until play I'm directing goes up; supplemental school winding down.

Academic/career: WORK every day, and I MUST succeed.

Wish me luck, and help me by nagging, bragging, removing obstacles and sending prayers.

Stop worrying. Start living.

Thanks.