After Night Number 2 messing about with dirty doggy doo-doo, and Night Number 3 considering poop logs before waxing philosophical, perhaps it's time to clean up our act. So, for Night Number 4, I did not buy for you:
Notice that this soap not-gift that I will not-give you picks up on the Naughty/Nice dichotomy of our previous night's philosophical offering, provides an opportunity to clean up from any messy Number 2, and provides fresh philosophical fodder.
How, you ask?
WELL!
It begins with the binary: Naughty/Nice
Then it proceeds to FOUR soaps for ALL types of men*.
Is 4 breaking the binary? Or is it binary squared?
Do all men need four types of soap? OR are there just four types of men?
To explore these questions further, let us examine the back of the box:
Four soaps- each presenting another pair of opposing concepts! "Mountainside jaunt" vs. "parking ramp in Philly"- "lake up north" vs. "retention pond in Jacksonville."
This soap takes sides, definitively. It embraces a properly aged oak cask, and looks down on the "something" in a brown paper bag.
And while all the soaps are Big Ass bars of soap, please note that the Lump of Coal is the Biggest Ass bar of soap.
Not that size matters.
For soap.
Alas, this gift is also tied through literature and tradition to the Other December Holiday**, and so this will be added to list of gifts that I did not buy for you.
*Not trying to be sexist or gender-ist- it's what it says on the box.
**Not only because the soap's association with the Other Holiday- I also firmly believe you to be a man who is one in a million- not one in four.
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