On the first/second/third/fourth night of Channukah, I did not buy for you...

Channukah came quite early this year on the standard calendar. So of course I am behind on my not-buying gifts this year. (As you may recall, last year I blogged on all eight nights of what I was not-buying for my Dear Daughter's Significant Other).

So, here is a mighty mega-post with ALL FOUR OF THE NIGHTS SO FAR in one post.

DDSO: I don't know why, but many of the items I am refusing to buy for you are scatological in nature. For instance:

These are fart-filtering underwear. I kid you not. I did not buy this for you for a few reasons.
1. These are called Shreddies. How could I buy you something called Shreddies?
2. These are imported fart-filtering underwear. I am trying to buy American.
3. Apparently these have been fart-tested butt the reviewers say nothing about the sound-baffling abilities of the undergarment. Insufficient, I say.


On the second night of Channukah, I did not buy for you:

This multi-pack provides woods-ready TP with Deer Flask / Shot glass. I did not buy these for you for following reasons:
1. The TP looks suspiciously like bark, especially the green-brown roll.
2. I don't like the voyeuristic buck watching the wipe in action.
3. Deer flask? Really, I don't think we should be enabling alcoholic deer.
4. It says there is a "Handy Loading Funnel Included". It doesn't specify loading what. Loading your rifle? Getting the deer loaded (not to be encouraged- see #3 above)? A funnel for your "load," pre or post wipe? One shudders to think.

On the third night of Channukah, I did not buy for you:

This is Poo-Pourri. It is a real product with several funny videos marketing it. Why didn't I buy it for you? Too hard to choose between fragrances: Sh*ttin' Pretty? - apparently too feminine. Could have gone for manly scents like Royal Flush or Trap-a-Crap...

On the fourth night of Channukah, I did not buy for you:

This is a Squatty-potty. Apparently, this is the solution to all our poop problems. This footrest can prevent appendicitis, diverticulitis, and who-knows-what-all!

Why didn't I buy this for you? I'm not sure.

But, I hope this one post will get rid of all the sh*tty gift ideas.