sometimes vulnerable

Sometimes I feel vulnerable.

For instance:

I've been gradually gaining ground on my two classes. I am teaching two classes, both for theater majors, both for upperclassmen only. I LOVE the subject matter and the students.

However, I was asked to teach the classes just 3 weeks before classes started. (Literally, to the day, 3 weeks before the first class). For one of the classes, I had half of a syllabus started. I had a text picked out, since that class was "Development 2" and I had taught Development 1 previously- so, same format and text, just the second half of the text with the later time period.

For the other, though, I had NO clue. I gratefully accepted a draft syllabus from one of the better *teaching* profs who hadn't actually *taught* the class though he had originally designed the course with an eye to his teaching.

I ordered all the books on his syllabus- over $200 and I already had some of them and I bought most of the rest used...

Then I looked the books over, cut the list in half, and worked out a format that I could live with.

AND while I have had great feedback from students and from other faculty that the students have confided in-

I still feel unprepared.

I feel like I don't fit in.

I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with my life.