Oscar

Awards nights make me sad.

I thought I would have more impact by now (selfish response).

How do you create winners and losers in art? Recognize excellence, yes- BUT! how can you compare such wildly different works? and RANK THEM!

Weight for it.

On the radio the other day I heard a truly shocking statistic. At first I thought it was horrifying.

About 90% of people who lose weight dieting gain it back- sometimes gain it back, PLUS.

Looking around online, I have seen this statistic again and again. Some argue with it, some brandish it to tout their own weight-loss method.

After getting over my shock and horror about this statistic, I've decided to let it liberate me.

No more diets.

I will continue to work on finding more activity in my life; I do value my health. I will try to consciously include more vegetables.

But I'm not going on a diet. I already have pretty good diet habits - at home. We are whole grain, low meat consumption folks. Pretty low sodium.

I don't really snack (maybe I should?).

In my experience, I am definitely one of the 90% that regain the weight and then some.

I am getting off the roller coaster. I can't afford another and then some.

Adventures in substitute teaching: Green Cats and Invented Spelling

I was substitute teaching for a kindergarten class. In each of the kindergarten classes, there is a teacher's aide full time assisting the teacher. As a result, it is fairly simple to sub for these classes, because the aide knows all the routines and standards.

The teacher left me an assignment for the class: Practice writing D, d, and use d in a sentence. The practice sheet had lines for practicing D, d, then "dog" then room for your sentence. There was a box at the bottom of the page for the students to draw a picture. There was a step by step model of how to draw a dog.

The aide pointed out that the students' spelling words for this week are the "-at" family- so, cat, mat, rat, sat.

I encouraged students to think of sentences that would include "d" words and also words from the "-at" family.

The aide layered on the idea that the picture- which was to include a dog (and I modeled the step-by-step instructions on the whiteboard)- should reflect what was written in the sentence.

These instructions were getting pretty complex, I thought.

I had the aide model the forming of the D and the d, as I know that the students are taught specific strokes in a specific order and I didn't want to confuse them.

So, finally, the students are busy writing and drawing. I move from table to table checking the progress of the students.

Seeing a student has written "I hav a dog" I asked the aide, do we correct spelling? And she replies, if you can sound it out, we don't correct the spelling.

Okay.

So the students move on to the drawing and coloring. Students bring up their work to the aide for the final check before putting the work in their folders.

A student shows the colorful work of "the dog sat on the cat".

The cat has a voice bubble that says: "AHHH!!!!"

The aide says: I don't know any cats that say "AHHH!!!!" - cats say "meow"- go fix that.

?!?!?!

(I have never heard a cat say "meow" either.)

Then another student brings up a picture with a colorful drawing which includes a green cat.

The aide says: Are cats green? No they are not. Go fix that.

And students who have a yellow dog have to fix it.

And students who have a red dog do not have to fix it- because of Clifford the big red dog.

!?!?!?!

And I want to say: Have you never seen Picasso's blue period work?

Have you never seen ERIC CARLE?

But, I am only a sub.

Did you Ms. me? the story

I substitute teach at the local K-8 school where my Dear Husband is an administrator. I think I will start a series of tagged blogs on "Adventures of Substitute Teaching".

This episode:
I was substitute teaching for the middle school this time. First I had a very chatty group of 7th graders. I substitute fairly often, and many of the kids know my name, but for whatever reason on this occasion. multiple times I was called either "Mrs. Cunningham" or "Mrs. Campbell" - neither of which is my name. I assume that those two subs get called by my name as well.

So when the next class- this one of 6th graders- arrived, I wrote my name on the board like this:

Ms. K------

One of the students asked why I had left out the "r" in "Mrs.".

I explained that I had written it correctly, the word was pronounced "mizz" and I invited them to tell me what they thought it meant.

Some of their guesses:

-it means that you don't have any children (I told them I have 4 children)

- it means that you are divorced (I told them- and/or reminded them- I was happily married- to the man working in the office, Mr. K----!)

- it means that you are older (!! I told them-- ah, no.)

So I wrote: Mr. Smith, Miss Smith, Mrs. Smith, Ms. Smith on the board.

I asked, pointing at "Miss Smith,"- do you know if this person is married? (yes, we know she isn't married).

I pointed at "Mrs. Smith"- how about this person? (yes, we know she is married)

I pointed at "Mr. Smith"- what about this person? (no- we don't know if he is married or not)

So, I explained that in the 1960s, or about that time, the term "Ms." was created to use for women- in a fairer way, like "Mr.", without reference to their marital status.

Some other topics came up- last names, hyphenated last names and so on.

And we went on to the lesson.

Then I was talking to the classroom teacher later. I outlined what had happened.

It turned out *she* (a "Miss" in her late 20s / early 30s) had no idea what "Ms." meant - she thought it meant you were divorced.

Wow.

Do I feel old or what.

Did you Ms. me?

Remind me to tell of the teachable moment that I didn't Ms.

James Thurber

I had forgotten how many times I had enjoyed the wit and wisdom of this man. Here are some gems to enjoy:

All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.

Art – the one achievement of man which has made the long trip up from all fours seem well advised.

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraph.

Don’t get it right the first time. Just get it written.

for the good things...

From Real Age: a part of 7 tips for younger skin-

4. Focus on the Good Things

Pick up a notebook you particularly like, and at the end of each day, make a list of things for which you are truly grateful. Or write down three things that went well, and why.

• How often? Nightly, as part of your winding-down routine.
• Why do it? Keeping a journal that records the good things in life helps shift your focus to what you're doing right, and that can put the brakes on the stressful negative chatter that often goes on in your head.

******

I like this. I think I should do this.

Today:

I am grateful for my Dear Husband K. There are so many reasons I cannot even begin.

I am grateful today for the fun I am having with the classes I am teaching.

I am grateful today for my dogs behaving themselves at the kennel! It is important to me that Dh K and I can go from here to there or anywhere- without worrying about the puppies!

reasons to oppose invented spelling

I am grading college students' writings and I just read:

Minajatwa.

I had to read it in context several times before I realized that the writer meant:

ménage à trois

failure and success

Once, a then-friend said to me, with more than a trace of bitterness:

"You don't know how to fail."

It was then, it is now, completely untrue.

At the time she made that comment, I had failed at a first marriage. With my Dear Husband, I had gone through bankruptcy, having failed at a business.

I've lost track of how many diet and fitness schemes I've tried that have resulted in failure.

I am truly a failure as a housekeeper. Truly. Other people seem to walk through their homes and order follows them.

I walk through the house and chaos follows.

I do know how to fail.

I wonder if I actually know how to succeed.

I have several notable successes and "wins". National Merit Scholar, National Points of Light Award, founder of theater troupes. I've made my bat mitzvah and written and produced my own plays and achieved my PhD.

But I still don't feel successful.

I keep feeling like I almost made it, I haven't quite nailed it, I faked it, I'm a fraud.

contract?

Finishing this coffee, then swinging by my mom's on my way to teach at University.

Because, for some strange reason, two pieces of mail from my University were somehow mailed to my mom's address.

And *one* of them (I hope I hope) is the right size, shape, and return address for a contract - for the spring session online class.

Even though it's been offered, I have had so many classes taken away just before I teach them that I hesitate to get my hopes up.

Fragments

Working on Endgame by Beckett with my class today. Not sure if I am up to the task. The Absurdists/Existentialists are tough going for me.

So fragmented.

But then, I suppose, so is life. It is only onstage that we get to decide on a superobjective and a through line of action that ties it all together.

I am getting better at posting here, and I keep thinking I should start to round up my diary/journal.

I have one, you know.

It is on paper napkins and scraps of paper.

It's on the backs of envelopes and the backs of the schedules for the substitute teacher.

My diary is hidden in to do lists.

My journal is wandering all over my house, in my messenger bags, in half-filled spiral notebooks and on tiny purse-sized pads of paper.

Now if I could only pull all those scraps together.

what I have done today: OR, the power of positive procrastination

Today, as I was not called in to substitute teach, I decided that I would get all caught up on the grading for the college classes that I teach. So far, I have:

1. trimmed the cut flowers, culled the wilted ones and put rest in fresh water.
2. removed and re-boxed the "slingshot" device my son installed to send our tv signal to his computer for the super bowl.
3. dusted the buffet (since that's where the slingshot was, and where the flowers went)
4. swept the floor
5. cleared the dining room table and changed the tablecloth
6. put away the dishes and re-loaded the dishwasher
7. started the laundry
8. tidied the bathroom and changed the towels
9. wiped down the kitchen counters
10. caught up on email

Not sure what is next.... oh, wait! I'm supposed to be grading...

would you people shut up?

So I mentioned how charged any political conversation can become on my FB page.

Well, YESTERDAY, I posted a silly graphic that was essentially in support of gay marriage.

As of now, there are 32 comments. One main voice from my uber- conservative friends. And several from my more liberal friends. Over time, several of the liberals have eventually lost interest/patience with the uber-conservative- who will not shut up, nor acknowledge when another person has countered the argument effectively.

I guess they are having fun.

I've been drawn back in once or twice when something particularly annoying was said- for instance, when the Uber-C said that society consistently using the same institution for hundreds or thousands of years was a pretty good measure of its being "good" or "valid".

Please. Slavery? Women as chattel?

ANYWAY.

THIS is why I so seldom post these topics publicly.

But I ask you, gentle reader, should I post such things? Do you think the Uber-C or others watching from the sidelines might have their minds opened a bit?

Or is this just an exercise in frustration for all concerned?

new question

There is a particular person in our acquaintance that we will often characterize by saying-

What have you done for me lately?

Several in our circle feel that this is the continual subtext for this individual. No matter the size of the favor one might do for this person, once it is accomplished, the favor vanishes from memory.

However, looking over some of my recent activities, and those of some of my near and dear, I propose a new question:

What have I done for me lately?

I'm going to ask myself.

I suggest you do the same.

this is the truth

On so many forums, I am guarded.

I have a wide range of acquaintances and friends. There are some who are liberal, and some who are conservative. Some who are REALLY liberal and some who are UBER conservative.

On shallow social media, I don't have the time and the band width to fight it all out. To tell what I think, and why, with all the nuance and sometime shadows.

I have also felt, over the years, that as I have been thrown in the conservative arena, that maybe there is a reason.

When I don't alienate, when I go slow, perhaps I may *slowly* give people reason to stop and think.

Still:

Truth #1: At least at the moment, very few people read this blog. So there is less risk of a fire storm when I tell you:

I am a liberal. Most of the time.

About most things.

There is an old saw that if you are conservative before 30 you have no heart, and if you are liberal after 30 you have no brain.

Well, I am still liberal well past 30.

In fact, in some ways I am getting more liberal as I get older.

I said to my daughter a few years ago: You know, it seems like the older I get the more socialist I get.

Oh, my daughter said, how Jewish of you!

In the past when I have posted something relatively mild such as:

No one should go without health care because they can't afford it

on the Book of Face, I have had dozens of comments fighting it out for and against affordable health care- without my entering the conversation! People who don't know one another slugging it out on the page of the one person they have in common: me.

I'm a bit bolder now. I'm reflecting on this because of the Susan G. Komen controversy. Not only did I post (along with, I don't know, a gazillion other people) in protest of the organization's original decision to withdraw funding from Planned Parenthood, and in celebration of the reversal of that decision, but I have also been posting about gay marriage, the budget crisis, health care and more.

Posting a clever graphic isn't enough. But it is a start.

Truth #2: I am a liberal because I have a sense of justice and fairness.

It is ironic that I owe this sense of justice and fairness in large part to my Dad, who is hugely conservative these days.

I know (Truth #3) that I am smarter than most people. I was born with lots of advantages: intelligence, relatively good health, white skin, two parents - at least one of whom was continuously employed with a job that provided health care for the family.

Every one of those advantages is HUGE. I cannot help but think of those born without one of those advantages- and what if someone is born without ANY?

(Knee-jerk liberal apologia #1: it isn't that I think white skin is BETTER: it's just an undeniable advantage in this society).

It is not a person's fault if s/he is born into poverty, or with a skin color that is discriminated against, or with limited cognitive ability.

It is important that society helps those who need it. I mean, isn't that why we have government?

"We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

courage in baby steps

As you may have noticed in yesterday's post, I am having a low point in my self-confidence.

Here is my courage today:

I will not hide out in the office on the second floor to which I still have a key. I will go right in to my main floor-almost-in-your-face-office.

(armed with brownies - they will have to like me, right?)

sometimes vulnerable

Sometimes I feel vulnerable.

For instance:

I've been gradually gaining ground on my two classes. I am teaching two classes, both for theater majors, both for upperclassmen only. I LOVE the subject matter and the students.

However, I was asked to teach the classes just 3 weeks before classes started. (Literally, to the day, 3 weeks before the first class). For one of the classes, I had half of a syllabus started. I had a text picked out, since that class was "Development 2" and I had taught Development 1 previously- so, same format and text, just the second half of the text with the later time period.

For the other, though, I had NO clue. I gratefully accepted a draft syllabus from one of the better *teaching* profs who hadn't actually *taught* the class though he had originally designed the course with an eye to his teaching.

I ordered all the books on his syllabus- over $200 and I already had some of them and I bought most of the rest used...

Then I looked the books over, cut the list in half, and worked out a format that I could live with.

AND while I have had great feedback from students and from other faculty that the students have confided in-

I still feel unprepared.

I feel like I don't fit in.

I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with my life.