It's bad to be good

The good news is that my mom's prognosis is excellent. Every day and every way she is getting better and better!

However, she cannot live on her own yet. Not for quite a while.

I am happy to be able to have this space in my life to provide care for her. I feel it is a blessing and a privilege.

Let me repeat this. Let me make sure you understand: I am HAPPY to do this for my mom.

I am truly, truly glad that I am able to do this. Really. No kidding.

BUT.

(with that build up, of course there is a but)

EVERYBODY needs a break, and currently, 16 days in to full time caregiving of the housebound, which means that I am essentially housebound too, I have not had a break. Not one.

This after a MONTH of daily visits to the hospital. Visits which I do not regret, not one bit, because I know that my being there gave her better quality of care, and even though it took a month to spring her from the joint, I know that my being there helped her recover enough to come home with me more quickly than she would have otherwise.

Hell, even the rehab floor doctor noted on more than one occasion that my mom was much *better* when I was there.

And it is better for my mom to be here. She is getting better and better every day and every way because she is with me, and I am taking care of her, and I have her dogs with me.

BUT

I need a break. And I have not had one in 16 + days.

Going to the grocery store does not constitute a break.

Going to a tension filled family gathering (to which we also brought my mom) does not constitute a break.

And I am PISSED at my sister because she was going on and on and on about how she would definitely be there and give me and my Dear Husband K at least one night off a week, maybe a whole day or a whole weekend, and NADA ZIP ZILCH.

She offered once, for a couple hours last week- when it was Yom Kippur for us, so I was staying home with mom and DH K was going to services so NOT a day to take off- NOT a break. And no offer since.

I am sure I am being unfair because I am nowhere near as pissed at my brother- partly because he hasn't offered all in my face, and because he travels for his job, and because his daughter who is (big long story) in a difficult relationship with him is in town and doing some passive aggressive dance with him at the moment.

And, later, today, or tomorrow, I will have DH K call my sister and BOOK some play dates for us, because I am too angry to do it.

AND furthermore on top of this I am LOSING money taking care of my mom because the only regular income that I have currently (for long and tedious reasons) is when I substitute teach. Which I cannot do. Because I am caregiving.

It's because I am "unemployed" that I can caregive for my mom.

But at the moment I feel like I am being punished for doing what I believe to be the right thing.