not for sissies

This parenting gig is not for sissies. It is truly unimaginable, and I suppose that the Force that governs the universe made it that way on purpose.

There are moments of incredible transcendence. And there are times of incredible pain.

A mother, they say, is only as happy as her least happy child.

So at the moment I am miserable.

I have four children; I don't know if I can characterize even one as "happy" currently.

One is dealing with serious health concerns; determined to power through, taking all the right steps, keeping worries on the back burner as much as possible.

One is heart broken and cannot see any light. Getting up, going to work, going through the motions. Keep faking it, I want to say, keep faking it and eventually you will be making it real.

One is tense, sometimes trapped and sometimes content.

One is transitioning, confused, off-kilter, not quite lost and not quite found.

And I am feeling the pain and it is hard for me to find light.

Part of me wants to slap someone or several ones and yell and say HEY! You have all that you had last week, except this one person; yes it hurts but THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Let it pass. You have all kinds of deep resources-- great friends and loving family and a good start on community. Don't throw it all away just to delve into this pain.

The word used by my child was "impotent"-- I want to say, YOU feel impotent???? I would give anything to take this pain away and there is nothing...