stand up comic

I think I want to be a stand up comic.

They get paid to tell stories to people.

And they get to wear blue jeans to work.

guilt

So how do you get rid of guilt?

Some guilt is good: discomfort that urges you away from wrong action.

But most guilt is just an ugly, raw drain on your energy.

Or mine.

So I'm feeling guilty that I can't figure out time to attend a club meeting tomorrow.

I'm feeling guilty that I haven't made as much progress as I should on my dissertation.

Guilty that I haven't kept up like I should/would like with friends and loved ones.

Guilty that my house is sooooo dirty and cluttered... again.

How do you let go of this? It's not helping clean the house, write the dissertation or call the friend. It's just weighing me down.

family stories- death bed promise

I always wondered why my first cousin once removed never married, and even now lives with her nearly-90 year old father and her dysfunctional brother in his forties (who also never married).

Talking with my mom recently I heard that on her deathbed, my great aunt made my cousin promise to always take care of her (my cousin's) father and brother.

HOW could a mother do that to a daughter? According to my mom, our cousin (my mom's cousin) has at least twice had a relationship with a man who wanted to marry her...but she didn't wouldn't couldn't due to this deathbed promise.

This particular great aunt was one I always cared for... it is hard for me to imagine her doing something like this.

Families are strange.

REALizing love

What makes love real? I am one of those that believes that love should be an active verb.

Hugs and kisses and all that follows is making one kind of love-- but there is so much more beyond eros...

The love of family and friends-- this is made real but not with words but with a look, a touch, a smile, a hug.

Being there.

Listening.

Making soup.

I am making a lot of soup and pouring into it so much love.

smiles to go before we sleep

Today I am taking off on a road trip. I am excited. I am traveling with my mom, who has been a very good time on many occasions.

She is recovering from care-giving for two of her near and dear; two deaths in just about two years. At first, when I suggested this trip, she almost talked herself out of it. Now that she doesn't have the caregiving responsibilities, first it was the dogs, then the babysitting for my sister-- Enough! I said, We can solve these problems! Let's go!

So we are on our way!

AND we are on our way to visit my daughter, always a good time!

The First Born Daughters' Club about to kick off!

Taking a back seat

We just drove my mother-in-law home to Toledo. I sat in the backseat. I was raised to have respect for my elders, and my mother-in-law will be 90 in just a few weeks. Definitely my elder.

She is frail, lately, too. It is hard for her to get in and out of the car. It is easier from the front seat.

So I sit in the back seat.

When I am in the car with my daughters, I usually sit in the back seat.

They get car sick, you see. And the car sickness isn't so bad if they sit in the front.

So I sit in the back seat.