This looks like a dragon's head and neck to me- puffing smoke.
I love having this blog, and I want to be writing more here. It is a good repository, and it has the benefit of thinking MAYBE someone will read it.
Maybe.
I feel often unheard, unseen. Some of this is due to actions of my own: I am not putting myself out there much. I take myself out to eat alone, with a book. I have met with a couple of potential new friends, and then there has not been a second "date."
Again, that is understandable- I have my daughter's dog with me right now, and I can't go far with my dog and her dog both in the house. One, I could ask my son across the street to come and walk, but TWO big dogs is too bing an ask.
Also, these potential new friends had upcoming events, and now I have upcoming travel.
Maybe next month.
Sometimes I am avoiding society and sometimes I am pouting because society does not come to me.
I have reached out to a massage therapist- a week ago- and have not had a response.
I have emailed/ texted some friends and haven't had a response (two days ago).
I have offered a phone call to my dad's widow, and at first was ignored but now had a response saying maybe tonight.
Tonight will have to be after I attend a Zoom play reading. This play was written by a student of mine from 20 years ago! They must be close to 40 or more now.
I am still hurting from a few that offered a coffee here or a drink there that haven't gotten back to me... but on the other hand, I have at least a couple of get togethers where the ball is in my court.
I am unsettled. Quite literally: My little garage is stacked to the rafters with boxes and shelves and furniture from my former home. I need to sift through those things, say farewell to almost all of it. Clear space for a different life.
I am trying to stay in the present moment, which is basically good for privileged little ol' me, and also work for a better future, while not letting my terror about the future derail today's enjoyment or tomorrow's work.
Fascism.
Climate crisis.
Those are the two biggies, and I feel so small in the face of either.
Honestly, if I didn't have children and grandchildren, I might throw in the towel altogether.
