Hell via an 800 number:
OR the Number of the Beast is NO LONGER 666
A friend told me once, and I've heard it repeatedly since, that it is not a question of IF your computer will break down, it is a question of WHEN.I have found this to be a truism of the current age.
Remember, I was born at the middle of the past century: I grew up with telephones-- one per household unless you were wealthy-- and television-- and I remember when color TV was new and exciting.
I remember my Grandpa Bill AND my Grandpa Ernie each with their new color tvs-- long before my parents got one. They just couldn't leave the color controls alone-- flesh tones were always a little green or a little red...
But I digress.
The point is, even though I can remember what a big deal a FAX machine was when they first showed up, it's hard for me to remember how to get along without my computer.
Especially without my laptop.
Which is what I had to do, for many weeks.
To really appreciate this story, one must go back almost two years ago. When I first bought this current laptop, I chose this particular brand BECAUSE the laptop I had before this one was the same brand, and lasted for five years. In fact, that laptop only died because I accidently spilled coffee on the keyboard.
Apparently, this is something that is terribly upsetting to laptops.
I have learned that the typical lifespan of a laptop is three years, so my laptop pre-coffee was a veritable Methuselah. AND when I had a problem which needed service with the first laptop in the first year (still under warranty) I received said service promptly and with minimal fuss.
So I bought my second laptop from the same brand.
I didn't buy the extended service warranty. My sons (the techno experts in my life) said that most likely anything that might go wrong would go wrong in the first year, and the extended warranty was another $349.99.
Indeed, something DID go wrong within the first year-- I had a problem that needed solving just two weeks until the warranty expired. So I called. And waited, as one always does, "for the next available service representative."
Finally, a voice (with an accent that told me his given name was most likely NOT Sean, as the voice claimed) responded.
First, he said it wasn't under warranty.
I said, oh yes it was, I am holding the receipt.
He said, we do not show your warranty. You will need to fax it to us.
(Apparently, once one INVENTS the fax, one must use it constantly.)
ARGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
So, we faxed our receipt, called again, waited again, finally spoke to a rep, finally discovered that (duh) the problem was not one easily resolved by plugging in the computer or rebooting it (I'm not THAT much of a techno idiot, I did try that!), we finally sent the laptop in and got it repaired.
However, WHILE I was speaking to the rep and resolving the issue, I caved and bought the %^&*&^%^&* extended warranty.
I said: That's 3 years from TODAY December 2006, right? for $349.99?
He said: Yes, correct.
(Now, mind you, he SAID this: he did not type it. So I should not have been surprised when I received the receipt for the warranty which was dated for 3 years FROM DATE OF PURCHASE OF LAPTOP, in other words about 2 years from date of purchase of warranty/date of conversation with "Sean".)
HOWEVER, I have now purchased warranty which means, PEACE OF MIND, right?
Fast forward to December 2007.
Apparently, it needs to be December, when everyone is busy buying new computers/ software/ problems.
Actually, it starts earlier. October. We are having problems with the laptop. It is fading out to WHITE (not black, WHITE).
Sometimes it will start, sometimes not.
Sometimes it will start in safe mode, sometimes not.
I first try to invoke the sacred warranty myself: I start the livechat with my company, but NO ONE SHOWS UP.
(A few days later I get an e-mail: Dear Lisa Kander,
"Thank you for contacting XXX Company Care.
This e-mail is a follow-up to your recent XxX Chat experience. It has come to our attention that you were not able to complete the process or respond to our message. We would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the inconvenience.
Unfortunately, you were non-responsive. According to our XXX policy, we should not wait until more than 6 minutes. So, I request you to contact us. One good news is that you can contact us at any time. we are available 24/7"
Yeah, well, I WAS THERE AND YOU DIDN'T RESPOND!)
Well, I know I will see my son who is one of my techno gurus (you have to have many techno gurus if you are me with a potent Personal Electro Magnetic Force Field and limited techno knowledge)
So when my son gets there I put him onto the problem and he calls the company who say:
We don't show you as under warranty.
Oh, yes, she is under warranty. I have it right here.
You will need to fax it to us.
WE WILL IF WE NEED TO BUT I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT IT THIS IS THE NUMBER AND WE ARE UNDER WARRANTY.
Finally, they admit that we are under warranty.
My son explains the problem.
The tech on the other end says, Your mom's laptop is getting a little old. Might she consider upgrading to a new laptop.
My son (who has a sense of justice, fairness, and common sense that we have instilled in him) says: SHE SPENT $349.99 SO THAT SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO BUY A NEW LAPTOP!
Eventually, after asking if the laptop is plugged in, if we have tried rebooting, etc, etc, they finally recommend we back up all data, reinstall all programs and see if that fixes our problem of:
FADES TO WHITE
Well, believe it or not, my son, married and well over 21, does not live at home so he actually leaves to go home and I am left to back up my data.
Which takes me awhile.
Because I am not techno savvy, and because I have a life.
So I finally get everything -- or as much as I can-- backed up, and find an island in time when I can actually call in to the 1-800 number.
I wait for the next available service representative.
Finally, I am connected to a voice (whose accent declares that it is extremely unlikely that her name is Barbara, as she claims).
I describe the problem, I give her all the numbers from my phone, my computer, my warranty.
She says, we don't show you as under warranty.
I say, I am looking right at it. I paid THREE HUNDRED FORTY NINE DOLLARS AND NINETY NINE CENTS and I am UNDER WARRANTY.
She says, we don't show you as under warranty.
Using extreme restraint (because I don't want to have to replace the telephone once I rip it out of the wall) I say, I am going to give the phone to my husband and I know he will want to speak to your supervisor because I paid good money to you people so that I would be under warranty and I gave you all the numbers and I AM HOLDING THE WARRANTY IN MY HANDS.
So my husband takes the phone, and apparently, either because he has a penis (and I have a vagina) or because he is a bass (and I am a soprano) they suddenly discover
I AM under warranty!
So they tell me to reboot (which I have done) and re-seat the RAM, and take out and replace the battery and etc etc and low and behold we still
FADE TO WHITE
and so "Barbara" agrees that we need to send it in.
So, a few days later I get the FEDEX box, and box up ye olde laptop and send her off and keep watching the tracking e-mail...
Well, it's DECEMBER in the WESTERN WORLD and there's this little HOLIDAY that affects shipping and ...
ANYWAY, rather than a week it's two, but ultimately I get back my laptop (on which I am now typing) and it is repaired/healed YET
I still ask:
WHY don't they have a record that I am under ((&Y((^&())T%%%$% warranty??
WHY does the service rep insist that his/her name is Sean/Kelly/Barbara/John/Pam when CLEARLY his/her name is Hussein/Issam/Malika/Yaida...?
WHY can't service be SERVICE?
"Your call is important to us..."
Yeah, right.
But, at least I have my laptop back.
