On the fifth night of Chanukah I did not buy for you...

 It's night five! The fifth!

There is also a tradition for the fifth night... something involving a fifth... or ways to imbibe from a fifth...

So on the fifth night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Violin decanter for a spirited fifth

This lovely decanter is just the thing for your fifth of whiskey, or bourbon,  or other fine spirits. 

I'm not buying this for you, on the fifth night, for the following reasons (take note):

The violin holds 1000 milliliters. A fifth is 750 milliliters. When you pour in your fifth, it looks like you got shorted. Is the violin 3/4 full or 1/4 empty? Or is it in 3/4 time?

The decanter is described as elegant, like a proper violin. Somehow, fine bourbon or whiskey puts me more in mind of a lively fiddle than an elegant violin- but, poe-TAY-toe, poe-TAH-toe, amiright?

After describing the fine craftsmanship and elegance of the decanter, the add goes on to say "its tuning peg functions as a leak-tight cap that you can remove to pour yourself a drink or chug straight from the glass violin." 

Chugging? From your violin's NECK? 

Even though this decanter is described as perfect for your friends who love music and drinking, and I know you love music and drinking, I'm not buying it.

If you still want to try a spirited fifth with the violin, don't fret- try this instead:

Mozart's Violin Concerto No. 5

No strings attached.

On the fourth night of Chanukah I did not buy for you...

 Fourth night- the midway point!

On the fourth night of Chanukah I did not buy for you:

These are a full dozen itty bitty rubber chickens. A dozen! Just like you buy EGGS!

I'm a fan of rubber chickens, actually. They are funny. I have one in my basement right now.

Everyone should have a rubber chicken!

So why wouldn't I buy this for you?

I'm sure there are many reasons, but basically it boils down to the fact that these biddies are itty bitty. 

Teeny tiny itty bitty biddies. If you had one in your pocket, you could reach for your keys and accidentally choke the chicken!

Let's face it, for these particular peckers, size matters.

If you think that is fowl, you are correct.

On the third night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

 Happy Chanukah! Welcome to night three!

On the third night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you:

Grow a boyfriend. Also available in Grow a Girlfriend.

Behold! If you are stuck for a date (or a companion) you can grow your own.

Seriously, the DIY movement and Grow Your Own movement are both in full swing. 

Why not Create Your Own Companion? Grows up to 6 times its original size! Just add water- classic easy recipe!

WHY NOT?

Well there are a few reasons.

1. First of all, and I do hate to be picky about this, but grammar matters. This packaging reads "it's" when it should read "its" and this is simply not acceptable. I am an educator, after all.

2. I know you have lots of companions, as well as your own wonderful partner (after all, you are my DSIL*). You are never without a companion when you want one- and if you happened to be without a companion, I know you are great at making friends. Note: you make friends, and grow friendships. You are already great at this!

3. Finally, you and I both know that growing your own companion can go horribly wrong. And if you, dear reader, do not know this, you should immediately buy this book**!

Click this link to order!

See you tomorrow night!

*Dear Son in Law- to whom this blog was first dedicated in 2012 and to whom it is still addressed

** This is not shameless self-promotion. While I admit that in this promotion I have no shame, I am not promoting my own work. I am promoting my daughter's work. 

On the second night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Welcome to the second night of Chanukah! Night Number TWO! Night number two has traditionally been themed in this recurring blog series around... Number Two. 

In keeping with tradition, I am not buying you this:

This toilet tissue is ULTRA STRONG, so it should stand up to your crappiest day. 

It's apparently the Meijer* store brand, so it's economical**.

It's SIX double rolls - equal to TWELVE regular rolls***!

Best of all, it is THC infused to calm your ass down. Instead of rolling papers, it's rolls of paper.

So why not buy it?

1. It's a store brand. When I don't-buy for you, I don't-buy the top of the line!

2. I'm not saying you need to calm your ass down. You make that assessment yourself.

3. I may need to calm my own ass down. I may keep this.

4. That is, if I can find it. The truth is, I have not seen this product at my local Meijer store. I strongly suspect some AI is having some fun with us. I need to go to the "library" to get to the "bottom" of this. Although, this product from the Brits seems legit- but is out of stock (and also out of THC- just CBD, just saying)-

So- on night number two, clean up, calm down, light up...

YOUR MENORAH! Light up your MENORAH!

* Do you even have Meijer in your neck of the woods? Is it just a Michigan thing?

** Since this is a store brand- which is usually the equivalent of generic, right?- what is the national brand? Why have I not heard of this before?

*** Except - are there even regular rolls anymore? I feel like all I see on shelves are double rolls.

On the first night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Happy Hanukkah 5785!

After a hiatus, I'm working on a return to this tradition - sharing with my DSIL* what I did not buy for him for Chanukah.

Which I also did not buy for you, dear reader.

This year, the winter holidays overlap. As you know, Christmas is on December 25th. This year, as every year, Chanukah begins on the 25th- of the Hebrew month of Kislev. This year, the evening of December 25th is the beginning of the 25th of Kislev.

On this first night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you... a Festive Holiday Flamingo.

Of course, I have not-bought you Chanukah Flamingos in the past- witness for example the Gotta-Go Flamingo. **

Why the semi-repeat? Well, the previous flamingo was festive but not holiday specific. Also, that one was Gotta-Go, and this one, you gotta blow... it up.

This one is definitely holiday specific. In fact, not only does this Festive Flamingo sport a jaunty Santa cap, the Flamingo hangs out with Santa! This is the full picture:

So why am I not buying these for you?

1. It's not in a store. It was on someone's lawn. If I acquired it for you, I'm pretty sure that's theft.

2. This Flamingo is sitting down on the job. Flamingos are FAMOUS for standing- like, on one foot. Which is sort of Talmudic, which almost could overcome the next objection- if indeed this dang Flamingo was standing on one foot***.

3. Even though it is holiday-specific, it is once again the wrong holiday as so many gifts seem to be... in December.

*DSIL= Dear Son In Law

** Past non-purchases have reappeared in this blog from time to time- and some have become purchases! This year, I did buy for my DSIL something I did not buy years ago- socks. In 2013, I did not buy a squatty potty and Poo-Pouri, both of which were revisited in 2018- when we discovered what trend setters we were, seeing these items on store shelves everywhere (or at least at Costco)! Fun fact: DSIL has actually purchased some of the items that I did not buy for him, after becoming intrigued by the product in this blog!

*** According to Talmudic legend, a man asked the great sages to teach him all of Torah while he stood on one foot. He first went to the great sage Shammai, who heard the impertinent question and smacked the guy upside the head. Recovering, the guy went to Hillel, who answered: That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole of the Torah. The rest is commentary. Go and learn it.

Glimmers and shadows

 I have to remember to count the good as well as the bad. I have to build on the good and resist the bad.

I had close to a breakdown yesterday.

I went to the dentist- They take my blood pressure with the wrist cuff, and it is always high. It was high this time too, so high that they took it again and it was lower but still high. 

When I go to my regular doctor, she doesn't get worried, she says the wrist cuffs are inaccurate and so are the arm cuffs, in her opinion. She takes my blood pressure with her wrist watch and fingers after I calm down, and then it's good.

I may need to schedule an appointment with her though to check in.

That put me in a mood, though, so I didn't get as much done as I wanted and sort of crashed on my bed for a while. 

Then I had a long phone call from my cousin, with challenging news from her end of the world. Her granddaughter's adoption is likely to fall through, and I think my cousin was hoping I would volunteer to adopt the child. 

I cannot. I simply cannot. 

Then I saw numerous postings about Nazis- actual Nazis- protesting outside a production of Diary of Anne Frank only a few communities away from me.

Nazis.

Shift to noting some good.

My brother, his wife, my sister, her sons and one of their wives all came over to my house on Sunday and moved a lot of the big stuff out of my house so that I can sell or donate or give it away. This is stuff that I simply couldn't move myself: two heavy couches, a ping pong table, heavy oak end tables. It feels like progress.

They also took various items that they could use and enjoy, which also lightens the load.

On another day, moving furniture around, I had to disassemble my internet/tv set up- and I reassembled it again and it all works!

I found a remote control that has been missing for a year.

I have friends coming this afternoon to help with some of the cleaning/ packing.

I've made progress in grading my students' work and should be caught up tonight.

Yesterday, I found out it was National Sundae Day in time to have a sundae.

I bought a house today

Today was the closing on my new house-soon-to-be home. I have a lot of downsizing to do in the next 30 days so that I can move in. 

I hope to have my current house ready to list in the next two weeks! I need all hands on deck- will be calling out to friends and family to help.

In another post, I will catalog all that needs to be done to get my current house ready for market. It's overwhelming- 35 years and the accumulated stuff of six people's lives. Yes, the kids have taken most of their things - but some remnants are uncovered as I dig through drawers and closets. 

More on that another time. 

I've just spent a bit of time organizing my planned budget for 2025. Some areas are just best-guess, other areas are fairly easy to predict.

As if anything is easy to predict.

Income and Expenses

My income will probably be a bit less. I'm working on ways to improve that. That is one of the areas that is getting my imagination going- what will give my life purpose, meaning- and income! If you follow my postings here, you know that I teach university classes online currently. I hope to continue doing that for a couple more years. If it stays a good fit. Still, I'd like to expand my options.

My sister thinks we should do a podcast. We share a passion for saving the planet while being more frugal. She is a reseller of vintage fashions that she finds at thrift shops and yard sales. I am a researcher of sustainably packaged and responsibly produced goods: for instance, right now I'm using a subscription for Dropps * for my laundry and dishwasher soap, and Who Gives a Crap * for my TP and paper towels and tissues.

Some of my friends and family sell their plasma. This includes some who are full time teachers in public schools. 

They need the money.

Some other friends and family work online teaching English as a second language to students all around the world. They seem to enjoy it, and as something supplemental I might like that.

I've enjoyed selling some of the jewelry and other items that I've inherited, usually using eBay. I don't know if I'm ready to intentionally buy things to then resell. Maybe. We'll see.

I would like to do more writing than just this blog. Having a professional writer in the family, though, I know that writing is no easy meal ticket!

What other things might you imagine me (or you!) doing that would bring a sense of purpose, some enjoyment, and a bit of cash?

For my expenses, I'm trying to downsize those as much as I can as I try to increase my income. 

My monthly house expense (mortgage/HOA) will go down. So will my annual homeowners insurance.

My property taxes will go up.

My use of gas should go down, although I don't know how much of a savings that will be, since as my miles driven go down, the price of gas goes up. Still, I believe that living in a city within walking distance of several attractions and with an accessible bus route means that I will save some money in the near term.

I'm hoping my energy costs in general will go down with a smaller house. Again, it's hard to predict. I'm good at being frugal already.

The other part of this planning is planning ahead. When will I need a new computer? A new phone? A new car? What personal care should I look into- regular massage, or a hair styling once in a while?

Who shall I become? Looking at concrete items and specific numbers is helping me to look for a future me.

*Product placement links for your curiosity- no remuneration to me!