What is "recently" in my struggles with time?
The same day will drag and also fly by. I don't know what day it is. Is it late morning? Is it early afternoon? When does "evening" begin? When is it "night"?
Months are difficult. It takes me more than a week to shift to the next month. Seasons are somewhat better; I live in the Midwest and eventually the natural world will give me clues.
Sequencing is hard. Did that happen before or after this traumatic event or that traumatic event?
The pandemic started it for many of us. March of 2020 and suddenly the anchor points of time- leaving for work on Monday, TGIF on Fridays, going out for dinner, weekly meetings- were erased, put on hold, on hiatus.
For me, there were other markers.
My dad had a stroke in October 2020. He recovered well, but not completely.
My mother died in October 2021.
My aunt died in April 2023.
My beloved died in September 2023.
My dad died in March 2025.
Grief messes with your brain, with your heart, with your spirit. I was unmoored, drifting, lost.
Gradually I am making my peace with time. I am accepting that linear time does not always function for me the way it has in the past.
That’s okay.
I’m learning to compensate- alerts on my phone for important time bound events, for instance.
I’m also learning to relax and enjoy the experiences that do not need to be time bound.
It’s not always important what the hour is- let alone what the minutes and seconds are.
To rest in the present, in the now, can bring peace.
