5783 On the fifth night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

 Just as there is a tradition for Night Number 2, there is a sort of tradition for the fifth. For the holidays, it is often a tradition to give the gift of adult beverages- a fifth here and there.

In the past I've presented all kinds of fifths or fifth-related gifts that I would not-buy for you. 

Consider when I did not buy a fifth diminished, demolished, or booted.

Or the pocket flask that was sized for a giant.

For the fifth night of Chanukah this year, I did not buy for you:

Okay, it's a crowded photo so perhaps I should specify that what I didn't buy for you is the measuring shot glass, not the sippy cup. Also not the half-cup measuring shot-glass. 

I have to wonder about product placement here. A large sized toddler sippy cup next to a giant sized shot glass- which is actually a "half cup kitchen measure"- next to a box of more standard sized measuring shot glasses. At first, I thought the box o' shot glasses were ALL half cup measures- so major drinking!

Or a party, let's be fair. Maybe you need a half-cup measure for a pitcher of Pina coladas. 

Also next to a sippy cup? This seems like an incentive to irresponsible parenting in one way or another.

Why not buy you the shot glass? 

First, you have shot glasses. 

Next, it's a measuring shot glass. So exact. It's the holidays! Enjoy! Free pour! 

Okay, it's not my most inventive gift. I'll sweeten the deal with another gift I did not buy for you:

Why not buy you these toothpicks? They're bourbon and/or whiskey infused!

But they are TOOTHPICKS. They can be neither sipped nor savored.

Not good enough, my friend.

Enjoy your holiday! Stay warm and safe!