5783 On the Seventh Night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Footwear. I didn't buy you footwear. On the seventh night of Chanukah, the sole gift I did not buy for you was footwear.

In previous years, I have not-bought you hand-wear. I've not-bought you socks. This year, I'm stepping it up.

This year, I'm not-buying you these:

These legit boots are a steal at only $399.00 (I did not misplace the decimal point, and I'm not committing as to who is stealing from whom). I could save up to 25% off - "see price in cart."

If I were to go so far as to put them into the cart.

Check out the detail!

I may even not-buy you this similarly themed accessory. 

Although, to be honest, I believe the bag pairs better with this pair of boots:

Why am I not buying this fun-of-a-kind* fashion for feet (plus accessory)? Before you give me the boot, let me explain:

1. I'm not confident that these boots are made for walkin' (cue Nancy Sinatra). (Yes, I realize that it's old. So am I.)

2. I'm not sure you're a Pokémon Patron. More of a Marvel Maven** in my mind.

3. I myself am not a Pokémon Patron. I am woefully ignorant, and could easily err and offer you a character entirely unsuited to your tastes. Take damage. Not worth the risk!

4. Size. Footwear is notoriously difficult to fit, and I actually have no clue as to the size that would be appropriate. While this may seem like a lame excuse, I don't want to make a misstep.

5. Call me crazy, or looney***, but maybe one of these would be more your style!

* While this is clever, and I am also clever, I did not come up with this. It was on the website. 

** Maven = Yiddish for expert

*** Th-th-th-th-that's all, folks! For now, anyway!