Aug 27 to Aug 28

 August 27 Thursday

98.1 F

Keeping up with daily yoga! Oatmeal nearly every day. 

I had planned on working straight through, binge working on my classes- almost derailed by emotional conversation with my mom. She had been thinking of having me take her out and about for errands, as well as we had some distinct air clearing to do about each of our worries about her health and recovery. Ultimately we stayed home, I worked very hard and made good progress.

Ken had the "open house" for his school- Held outdoors, trying to social distance. Parents were asked to wear masks, 90+% did in the first wave, he said, but only about 75% in the second wave. 

Sometimes I feel like we are living in two separate worlds- people who believe in/ take seriously the pandemic, and those who don't, who are living life as "normal".

August 28 Friday

97.9 F

Last night I dreamed that I was going to temple to lead services (we are leading services tonight, but on Zoom) It was the service we are leading tonight, Ki Teitze. I was looking for a quiet place to work on my sermon- it wasn't done yet, it was started on my computer, not printed. I was anxious. I was in a social hall type space and some pre-teen boys came in with instruments (saxophones?) in cases asking if "anybody was using the room." I said I was, and the set up to practice anyway. I left and went outside, and there were so many kids lining up outside, like a fire drill but it felt more like dismissal from school. My friend CW was there, seemed in charge and I figured she was now director of education. I was concerned because I was the only one wearing a mask. 

That's all I remember.

I did yoga again this morning- it's close to 15 minutes now. My sister DT has picked up Mom for an overnight- alone- at DT's house while DT spends the night at my bro CE's house. Yeah. So that Mom's dog won't be alone.

K and I are leading services tonight, via Zoom. Working on the sermon. For reals.

Gallery

On Friday, August 2, 2019, I went with my daughter to a gallery closing. The exhibit closing was art work by survivors of sexual violence.

I wish I'd gone earlier, so that I could experience more of the art before the presentations by the artists.

What stood out to me:

The first work was a video tape of a pole-dance dramatic art performance. It was powerful and moving and I wished I'd been able to see it live. The artist, a female veteran, was there to frame the work before it was projected for us.

The black and white photo prints of the only male-presenting artist. He spoke eloquently (although a bit too long) about his work, and how it had been banned, which actually meant that it ended up being sought out/ seen more frequently (if I understood him correctly). He spoke about making his transition from victim to survivor.

The artist that I was there to see-- my son's love-- because her explanation was felt and honest and articulate and moving.

Most of all, the hand I held next to me, when stories were told too close to her own, the nodding heads and understanding of the experiences of the survivors...

because that happened to them, too...

http://www.agitatorgallery.com/event/closing-reception-artist-talk-hard-to-kill-artwork-by-survivors-of-sexual-violence/

 

August 26- Wednesday

 August 26 Wednesday

97.4F

It was raining this morning; Princess was annoyed that we didn't have coffee and quiet time on the deck. I actually sneaked out in the early morning to get pretzel sticks, since TODAY with E, we were making the spider snacks with her on Zoom, and we wanted to be able to eat them! We love these weekly Zoom sessions with our 4yo granddaughter.

I did morning yoga (10th day in a row!), had coffee and wrote my morning pages. 

My three must-do things for today were: Prep for Effie Session; have Effie Session; Zoom training/ hardware review with Dee. 

I actually had to add to that: fill out and file Access Card for Byzantine U. Got an email at 11:00am Tuesday, to fill out and then scan and email back this card by 5:00 PM WEDNESDAY! 

Wow. I'm being kind, and radiating love, because Covid-19 is imposing changes and adaptations and permutations and straight up mutations on everyone. 

Extend GRACE. Radiate LOVE. Be KIND.

So of course my printer ran out of ink. So I had to ask my DH Ken, who is already stressed with his audit, to print the PDF card I forwarded to him, fill it out FOUR DIFFERENT WAYS, because the email directions weren't clear, and email it back to me- so I could forward it to the department secretary.

On the plus side, our session with Effie was great. We made and ate spider snacks, and we talked about spiders and labeled diagrams and glued stuff and chatted. 

August 6-25: Doing sh*t, need to write about it

So long without logging in! I have been faithfully logging my temp. Trying to catch up.

 August 6 Thursday

97.4 F 

Mom went for iron infusion at Karmanos. My sister is watching my mom's dog. She has decided she can handle this for a while.

August 7 Friday

97.4 F

Attended Zoom Shabbat led by the rabbi. We don't hang out after the service- maybe we should.

Meanwhile, having done most of the Marvel Universe on Disney+ we are doing Marvel on Netflix. 

Also, I'm reading Just Mercy. I'm in reading circles at Byzantine U, but not checking in much.

August 8 Saturday

97.7 F

I managed my course-copy for both of the University courses I will teach- online- in the fall.

August 9 Sunday

97.7 F

Mom had a scary episode with low, low blood pressure. We had her keep drinking fluids, rest. Allowed some salty snacks.

August 10 Monday

97.4 F

Had a weird dream where, I was sampling- we were all sampling- food from a stew pot- but we had each (household?) dumped in our food in different spots. Some was burnt. I felt like I was sneaking to sample from different places in the stew pot.

Later (real life):

Mom had HIGH blood pressure! Her physical therapist came. We agreed to monitor blood pressure- if Sys >150 or Dias >90 for two readings, we will reintroduce the Carvedilol (low dose).

Checked in with my dad. He had a cyst in his ear, with wax build up. He was told to go in for X ray- but apparently they MEANT C-T scan, so-- he has to schedule an appointment. 

Made banana bread.

August 11 Tuesday

97.9 F

Gave Mom a sitting bath. Made tuna noodle yummy oodle. 

Pest control came out and sprayed perimeter outdoors.

I did a Kroger pick up order, which surprisingly Ken and I were able to pick up that night. However, more than half the items were missing/ out of stock. Of course, I had said NO SUBSTITUTIONS because I'd ordered kosher hot dogs (which were of course out of stock).

August 12 Wednesday

97.7 F

I had crazy dreams, but all I remember is... I had crazy dreams.

We continued our Zoom sessions with granddaughter E: topic- bugs with thumbprint bugs in a jar (drawing). We had stamp pads for our thumbs, then  pressed on the paper and added details for our bugs. Fun!

Mom's appointment with Dr. P her oncologist was okay, but I wasn't allowed in. It was a thing. Mom wanted me in; I told her I didn't think they would let me. I brought her up, and dropped her off, and went to her house to clean out her fridge. She started texting me to come, she was ready to see the doctor. I did come back in. Long story somewhat shortened, the office manager, when I came up, told me no visitors, and that I had to leave the building. Dr. P did call me- and we talked over the questions (he agreed with the monitor blood pressure- if Sys >150 or Dias >90 for two readings, we will reintroduce the Carvedilol).  

 

Aug 13 Thurs

97.4 F

I cleaned Mom's shower chair (that I had picked up on Wednesday from her basement) and caught up some of her laundry. 

Worked on Wayne State. 

 Mom treated for take out dinner from Red Devil. Lots of road construction- Ken's 5 minute commute home was over 1/2 an hour.

Aug 14 Fri 

97.9 F

I had a dream that there was some kind of large worship service, sort of like one of our wealthier relative's kid's b'nai mitzah.  There was a small child with a part in the service and I ended up helping the little girl by standing at the podium with her while she whispered in my ear and I repeated her words into the microphone. There was video, and it captured me in close up, especially my chin and lips speaking, and my tilted head listening. I knew I was helping. Later I sang- I think just with the congregation- and  it was noted as beautiful. I remember we urgently had to get out of there, and there was someone who had aspects of LL (whom I don't like ) and aspects of KL and CG (whom I do like). In the dream she was glowing with praise of my singing and speaking and she clearly knew me. In the dream, I knew I should know her, or had known her, but I couldn't place her. 

On this Friday, we had Mom's appointment with her primary care doc, Dr. T, who agreed with the monitor blood pressure- if Sys >150 or Dias >90 for two readings, we will reintroduce the Carvedilol. He also felt it was fine to discontinue two other meds. Less is more. He shared his dad is not doing well with his cancer prognosis/ treatment, during Covid-19. Genuine connect on sympathy. 

Had hoped to pick up Mom's new walker- but the med supply place declined because we didn't have a doctor signed Rx. Great. 

Went to Diane's so Mom could visit her dog; visited with Diane while Mom napped! Then drove home to work on stuff - Diane delivered Mom home right about the time we were starting to participate in services! 

Got call from Dad- Covid-19 scare as bro's wife  JGLH's grandkids' babysitter had tested positive, and JGLH had seen the grandkids before visiting with Dad and Doris- bro CEH and JGLH shuttled Dad and his wife Do to their outside gazebo, disinfected their house, and left to go back home, with distanced waves. So Dad said.

Participated in service via Zoom, led by our friend Sharon- her first time leading! I sang kiddush and motzi.

 

Aug 15 Saturday

97.7 F

  Put E's next packet in the mail. 

Had yoga on Saturday instead of Thursday, with son A and JJ on Zoom. Ken had a board meeting (Zoom) on Thursday, so we couldn't do it then. 

I was cranky with Ken (because I couldn't be cranky with my mom).

Aug 16 Sunday

98.0 F

A gray and grumbly day. Still couldn't do yard work, because lawn mower still in the shop. 

Got lots done on WSU stuff.

Aug 17 Monday

97.7 F

Wrote the Monday ladies' email (since this is the week we don't Zoom, just email). Continued to work on WSU. Anxiety spike; self-talk down.

Aug 18 Tuesday

97.7 F

The nurses at Karmanos straightened out the med supply people, so I was able to pick up Mom's new walker. Picked up Mom's mail as well. Her income tax refund finally arrived! 

In my morning pages (I'm writing 3 pages every morning) I noted again that I am afraid of my neighbors being white supremacists. 

Aug 19 Wednesday

97.7 F

It was cool this morning; I bundled up for coffee on the deck. 

Our Zoom session with E was fun with learning about spiders! We read Mighty Spiders by Fay Robinson, and talked about the parts of spiders and spiders in general, and then we showed her how to make spiders to eat - out of Ritz crackers, pretzel sticks, and peanut butter. We still had time, so we read Caps for Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina. Great fun.

Had late night snack of crackers and cheese. Too many calories, too late at night. Oh well. 

Aug 20 Thursday

97.9 F 

 I checked- Mom's auto pay of health insurance is working!

Mom and I scheduled a trip to her house and shopping and banking and lunch- all out of the house so the cleaners could clean. Because Princess kept jostling my elbow, my Kroger order never registered so when we went to pick it up, I wasn't in the system! Plus SO MANY road closures and detours, poorly marked - AND the cleaners were still there when we drove by-- so we consoled ourselves with drive through ice cream, and then went home to a clean house- although they had broken one of my photo frames. No biggie- not an heirloom or anything. 

We did our Zoom yoga with Adam and Jenna. Mom also visited with them for a bit.

Aug 21 Friday

97.4 F

I rescheduled the Kroger order for SEVEN A.M. so I got up early and got on the day. Did it. Got it done. 

Mom's PT Raj came today; I was starting challah for the Shabbat supper. He was quite interested. He commented his wife makes bread, but with just flour and water-- naan, I'm guessing. 

I made some of Ken's favorites for supper: kosher hot dogs, tater tots, spinach, corn- and challah.

We attended Zoom Shabbat, led  by Paul F, his first time leading also.

Aug 22 Saturday

97.5 F

Used up leftover pasta, rice, veggies from the fridge into a couple of different casserole-ish dishes. 

A very long day for Ken- we had tried to get Gus' car started, couldn't, called AAA for jump, it started,  but stalled out on the 5 minute drive to the repair shop- EXTREMELY LONG SAD STORY, in a very hot day- Ken called AAA at 9:00 am, didn't finally get home after seeing the car towed to the repair shop (not even 10 minutes from our house) until almost 7:00 PM.

YIKES.

First world problems, ytppl problems, amiright?

Aug 23 Sunday

97.7

I think this is when I played Roblox with the grandkids a bit. I was terrible at it. I will learn.

Aug 24 Monday

97.4 F

This day swiftly derailed. 

Mom and Diane had decided Diane would pick Mom up, bring her to Diane's for a visit with Diane, and also with Mom's dog. I was going to work on Wayne State stuff, have my 1:00 pm Zoom call with classy ladies- Marcey, Beth, Leah, Meg, Christine, Kathleen, (Kim and Claire, but they are usually not available). 

Well.

As Diane is on her way to pick up Mom, I check to confirm  that the pick up today of computer headsets is just for faculty that ordered them- then learn that NO, the U has ordered them for all faculty- including me. So my window is from 1:00-4:00 in Detroit. 

Ah.

So, arrange with Diane that I will leave door unlocked, in case I am not home by the time she drops Mom back home. I plan to do my phone call, then leave about 2:00, get to Detroit by 3:00, pick up headset, get home.

I also have a check to cash (can do that on the way), and the van is stocked with all our recycling (I can recycle at township offices on my way home).

Okay, a plan.

Then I get an email from the U that Zoom is down for many in the Eastern USA. I email the classy ladies; don't hear back except from BI, respond to all that I will try at 1:00, if nothing by 1:10, I will sign off we will figure it out.

At 1:00, MW is there (she hasn't seen the email) we chat, no one else shows up, we sign off, I leave. 

(PS this is day one of Ken's audit, his major- and stressful- event of the fiscal year, in a challenging fiscal year. So he has sh*t happening too).

I stop at bank, no problem. It's very hot; I stop at Tim Horton's and pick up an iced tea and drive to Detroit.

The directions to a specific parking lot- GPS leaves me at an intersection. I drive around for 40 minutes- lots of road closures, detours, no signage.

It's also hot.

Finally pull over, find campus map kiosk, visualize where the parking lot is (it's BEHIND ANOTHER PARKING LOT, and it's on a service drive that goes BOTH WAYS FOR JUST THAT BLOCK). 

I get into the lot, to pick up my headset, with 10 minutes to spare. Great. 

It's just in time for drive time home.

Great.

And it's hot.

Also, the AC is not working well AT ALL in the van.

Make it to the recycling center, off load recycling in the heat.

Ken is in contact via text. He is also held over with audit. 

We both make it home at about the same time. We commiserate over vodka and sparkling water.

Diane arrives with Mom. We share a drink and a meal.

Things are a bit better.

But it was a long, LONG, hot, HOT day.

Aug 25 Tuesday

97.8 F

Took Mom to an appointment with her cardiologist. He agrees with the other docs about the BP, Carvedilol. He seems okay with her heart status. 

We return home. Mom's PT arrives a couple hours later. He encourages her to keep working- build that strength.

Ken and I have our Tuesday scheduled video call with son JE, his wife JP, our grandkids JD and L. It's a good call. 

Then Ken and I drive out to the auto repair shop, to swap the van (work on the AC! and oil change) for the car parked there. Gus's car is fixed. New battery.

It's just bullet points, mostly- but I'm caught up!

On we go: Or, routines routinely destroyed

August 2 Sunday

97.2 F

DH (Dear Husband) and I are keeping our schedules flexible, because every day my mom thinks she may be discharged from the hospital, and every day she is not.

She sounds great on the phone. It's hard, though, not being able to talk to the doctors.  Dr. P, her oncologist, has scheduled iron infusions on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday- but it is doubtful she will be there for all of those days. He also wants her to have a stomach scope- she keeps showing up as anemic, and he suspects an ulcer or other hidden bleed.

Cardiologists are saying she should be discharged, and have the scope done as an outpatient near her home.

I'm arguing (as best I can, literally long distance) that it makes more sense to do what needs done since she is already IN the hospital.

Ultimately, it is decided that she will have the scope and the iron transfusion on Monday, and then, if all is well, she will be discharged after the procedures.

After significant discussion with my sister, we have decided it's best for my mom to come to my home (jumpy dog and all), since my sister's two sons are home, and are often interacting with the public for work, and seeing their girlfriends. Too much exposure.

We are all uncomfortable with the risks and the isolation that is inherent in residential rehab at this time.

Mom's stay with us will be for August. The hope is, with physical therapy and changes in her meds, my mom will be able to go home in early September. If not, she will move to my sister's house for awhile, since the socializing sons will be leaving for small private college that they attend.

So DH and I spend most of Sunday cleaning and clearing the spare room, so my mom has her own space, with her own air.

Routine- well, I did take temp, pee, and have oatmeal. So there is that. I didn't exercise, but there was some real moving in getting the spare room ready for Mom- we moved a big dresser out of the bedroom, to make more space for her to maneuver her walker.

We toasted our success with vodka tonics and watched Luke Cage.

August 3 Monday

97.6 F

I did take my temp, and pee, and have oatmeal. So there is that. I even spent some time on the deck with my dog.

I was watching my phone, though, because with the current rules for the hospital, there is no point in my getting there prior to Mom having her procedures. She texts me when she hears when she should be going in. I time it pretty well, arriving about noon, when she is back from her procedures. It's still hurry up and wait, of course. We finally leave the hospital after 2:30. We stop at her house (Mom waits in the car) to pick up her meds, her walker, mail (including bills), her computer, some clothes, etc, etc.

DH times it to be home as we arrive. DH and I, masked, assist my mom up the steps to our house.

I announce that I am not cooking, and DH steps up and orders take out Chinese from a local restaurant.

We work on settling in.

Then, I have a ritual committee meeting with my temple- planning for our Zoom High Holiday services.

August 4 Tuesday

97.7 F

I did take my temp (see above, right?) and then had coffee on the deck, and later had oatmeal- so... some routines to cling to.

With Mom here, we wear masks when we are indoors together, at first. Then, I track down screens that had been set aside and get them installed and adjust the temperature settings in the house- now, with fresh air circulating, we can take off our masks while we maintain distance.

I feel these extra precautions are necessary as we adjust to sharing the household, because Mom and I have both been to the hospital. We have all taken stringent precautions, but it's best to err on the side of caution. A little bit of hassle now, preventing future regrets.

To be honest, if it weren't for Covid-19 and its risks in nursing homes, I would really want my mom at a residential rehab. It's so much responsibility having her here.

My schedule is no longer my own; my routine, while not completely derailed, is now shoved in here and there around other needs: making lists of needed supplies and meds, calling doctors for follow up appointments, canceling previously made appointments, rescheduling.

I'm also afraid of my mom falling- or worse- on my watch.

On this day, I have to run out to pick up new meds for my mom, swing by her house for her mail and some bills that need paying. So another outing.

I run a couple of loads of laundry for my mom.

We have yesterday's left over take out for supper. We almost always get two meals from a take out order.

An incredibly awesome event: we begin weekly phone calls with our son JE, his wife JP, and their kids JD and LC. YAY!

August 5 Wednesday

97.4 F

Today. I did take my temp, and pee, and have coffee on the deck with my dog- while bundled up, because it was cold last night, and still chill this morning. I did have oatmeal, but not until lunch.

DH came home at lunch time, and we had our Zoom meeting with grandkid E. We read A House is a House for Me by Mary Ann Hoberman and we read (summarizing often) Bugs by Nancy Winslow Parker and Joan Richards Wright. E is quite interested in bugs. She has received our mailing, with some fun bug activity sheets, and I have printed the same sheets for us so we are able to do the sheets together.

It's fun.

slugs in our yard

DH headed back to work, and my mom napped for a bit. I got a call from her physical therapist, who arrived about 2:30. They worked together in the living room.

My jumpy dog waited outside in the fenced yard. Princess the dog has been doing okay with my mom. Of course, we don't have them in the same room when my mom is in motion. But overall, Princess has calmed down enough.

Of course she still has morning time with me :-)

I made spaghetti with tomato sauce & beyond beef (veggie protein) crumbles in the sauce, and spinach/ cucumber/ mandarin orange/ slivered almond salad.

We had red wine and sparkling water spritzers.

I interacted with two students, so that is progress- issuing overrides for my classes, which are full!

Routines

August 1 Saturday
98.0 F

I am working on building routines.  I am now on Day 4 of oatmeal and raisins for breakfast. My goal is that with this, with more exercise (yoga and walking), with meditation, that I can keep my cholesterol low while going off the cholesterol meds. Side benefit: improved elimination- thank you soluble and insoluble fiber (sorry: TMI).

Daily routines:

Get up, pee, weigh myself, take my temperature.

Feed the dog.

Check in with my mom.

Coffee on the deck with my dog.

Oatmeal and raisins and milk for breakfast.

Maybe some yard work or housework: trimming seedling trees that seem to sprout overnight*, sorting more from the basement for Goodwill, Freecycle, or trash.

Computer work: I need to make this more productive, as we get closer to the beginning of fall semester. I am determined to re-craft the syllabus for each of my classes, so that the basics of Western canon are communicated- but missing voices are uncovered, or questioned, or investigated. Women's voices. Black voices. Non-Western voices.

A lot of work. I will invite my students to join me on the journey.

Late afternoon, prepare for dinner and DH's return from work. We debrief each other.

Evenings are often a drink with dinner, maybe a tv show or listen to a baseball game- now that baseball has started for the limited pandemic season.

There are weekly routines, too. Yoga usually on Thursday, Zoom worship services usually on Friday. Wednesday morning Zoom with one grandchild, hoping for Tuesday afternoon with the others.  Ken sometimes has (Zoom) board meetings on Wednesday nights or Thursday nights.

There is comfort in routine when all is chaos.


*Some things literally do sprout overnight and pass away that very day. Below see morning mushrooms, and afternoon mushrooms on July 20.

July 31 2020 Drear Diary: COVID-19 complicates the complicated

July 31 Friday
97.2 F

In the morning, before it was too hot, I did some laundry and hung it on the line,  and also trimmed back some vines and shrubs and brush that are trying to overtake our fence in the backyard, and our paths.  I got either a bug bite or a stab wound from the vines on my forearm. Great.

I'm on about Day 3 of oatmeal and raisins for breakfast. Since my doctor, Dr. Rachel, is open to my reducing and hopefully eliminating my cholesterol meds if I keep the numbers down, I'm getting serious about working on the cholesterol through diet and exercise- and maybe meditation.

I was on and off the phone texting/ calling with my mom. She is still in hospital. It turns out that she is not only weak in her legs and core for walking, she also is experiencing tremors due to nerve complications from the chemo in her feet and legs, and in her arms. This means that it is not safe for her to walk even with a walker- unassisted.

The hospital PT that I talked to said flat out she would not sign off on my mom's discharge to home, where she lives alone. Someone coming over every other day is not enough. In this therapist's opinion, my mom can't get from a wheel chair (which is now the recommendation) to bed or toilet without assistance.

This is where COVID-19 makes something that is already complicated even more complicated. The visiting hours at the hospital are severally limited. Only ONE visitor per 24 hours, and that visitor can't step out of the room, or the visit is over for the day- no readmittance.

Discharging my mom to a rehab facility during COVID-19 is also problematic, as the facilities for older or vulnerable folks have been ravaged, and these facilities, like the hospital, also have super strict visiting policies- which also spikes fears of elder abuse. Also, the actual facility that is closest is one my mom has used before- and she liked it the first few times, but now says she won't go back there.

Discharging my mom to my sister's home is problematic, because my sister and her adult sons all work outside the home, and so are a higher Covid-19 risk.

The same is true as far as discharging to my brother's house.

Discharging to our home is also problematic, as DH works outside the home (although he has more limited contact with the public, and his protocols for mask and handwashing are excellent). The other factor here is my dog, who is young and can bump people.

Discharging Mom to her own home is NOT SAFE at present. Even though it is not safe, this is what she wants.

It's beyond stressful.

On Friday, we were still hopeful that she could get physical therapy at the hospital before discharge. Insurance was being investigated.

When DH came home, we ate early, then had our yoga Zoom with son A and his SO (Significant Other) JJ - shifted from Thursday to Friday. After yoga and brief visit, we "attended" our religious services via Zoom. It was lay led by our friend Carol R, with various congregational members having parts (including DH and myself).

Then we finished the 2nd season of Daredevil  and started Luke Cage season 1. Starting a Marvelous weekend.