5779: On the second night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you:

The sun has set, and so we light the candles for the second night of Chanukah.

There is something of a tradition for night number two.

For instance, last year 5778, there was this festive fecal reindeer.

In 5775*, we considered shittens and subtle butt gifts.

In 5774, even though the post was for nights one through four, it was really all number two.

In 5773, back when it all began, night number two (heh - heh) started this tradition.

You can guess where I'm going** with this, right?

So this year, I am not giving you this:

 "One of the amazing things poop can do is create beautiful white sandy beaches."  Did you know that? I did not know that. Apparently, it's true. Because SCIENCE***.

This book is one in a series of the POWER of POOP. Other books in the series include:

And more:

Also: 

(This is actually a thing: Check out the power of poop here. However, this site, even though it is SCIENCE, makes me nervous, because it has a Do It Yourself instructions link, right under "Is Fecal Transplant for You?" DO IT YOURSELF???)

Then there is this:

 


This is actually something I could get BEHIND****. 

POOP CAN SAVE THE WORLD! Check out the VIDEO 

Finally, the book series (and perhaps the world) ends with this:

I'm not sure I want to know.

Anyway, as useful, educational, and world-saving as this is, I did not get you the Sand-Beaches-with-Poop book.

WHY, you may ask.

Is it because you don't have lake front property? No, that's not it-- you are close to Lake Michigan, AND a splash pool park, so where there's water, there can be beaches, yes?

Is it because I fear fecal fish? No, 'fraid not.

Is it because I don't believe in the power of poop? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? In this season of miracles, I BELIEVE!

No, it's just that-- this book is available at your local library -- YOUR library, DSIL :-) 

That's where I took the picture. 

SO, check it out!

 
Now I'm going to go light the candles.
If it's safe to light a match.



* I don't know why we missed the tradition in 5776 and 5777 -- but if you noticed, what is the number of years we missed? That's right, number TWO!

** GOING, get it?

*** No, really, SCIENCE. Nova even has a website on GROSS SCIENCE about the power of poop.  And also on how pee can change the world.

**** BEHIND, get it??

On the second night of Hannukah, I did not buy for you ... #2!

It's the second day of Chanukah. So, what didn't I get you last night?

Well, it's night number 2.

Number TWO.

We have something of a tradition going with number 2. The first year, it was T.P. or perhaps underpants. The second year, it was a variety of items including woods wipes and fart filtering underpants. (Granted, in 2013, several days were bundled in one day. The theme remained the same, though.)

Maybe I should still bundle. Because there is SO much to choose from in this scat-egory.

For instance, if fart-filtering underwear is going too far, just stop at fart filters.

Fart filters. Perhaps same butt model as Shreddies.

So, you can use your OWN underwear and still "fart with confidence.*"

Fart filters. Look great on the buff buns above. However, why do I feel that in REAL LIFE, the filters might look like this:

OR like this:

I'm guessing, not the image one would want, right?

BUTT wait, there's more!

Apparently, flatulence filtration is a hot topic. There are choices, people. Shreddies, in addition to fart-filtering undies, also sells fart filters separately. There are also:

or:

Or maybe you prefer getting to the seat of the problem:

Chair pad for flatulence odor control.

See what I mean about choices? There are even these:



These are fart silencers, and yes, according to this article, "it goes exactly where you might guess it would go."

Finally, what if the flatulence is substantive? Just in time for the cold weather, I give you:

These are "mitten-shaped wet wipes". They promise to "make wiping fun." You need them "'cause poop is gross."

Good to know.

Not gonna buy 'em.

Bye for now.

*Shreddies' slogan