5781/2020 On the third night of Chanukah, I did not give to you...

 Last night was the third night of Chanukah, and so here we are with a gift for the third night. 

The night that comes after number two. Which is a factor in selecting this gift to not-give you tonight*.

This is a burial pod for your deceased pet fish.  It is biodegradable and eco-friendly, made of bamboo powder and rice husks.

So when Goldie's gone, you can bury your beloved pet with dignity *and* protect the planet!

Why would I not buy you such a lovely gift?

It's not the price. Price is no object when I am not-buying for you. No, I wouldn't go for the frugal fish funeral finery at only $7.95. Nope, I'm not-buying you the $99.99 version on ebay because your finny friend is worth it!

No, the reason I am not-buying you this gift is mainly** this (I quote from the promotional materials - emphasis added):

"Each pod comes with a seeded sympathy card children can sign. When they bury their fish with the card, the seeds grow into wildflowers; when they bloom, your kids will remember their fish."

When they bury their fish. In the ground. In the dirt. 

This is wrong. A fish should not spend eternity in dirt. No, let them die as they lived, in water. As is tradition.

As always, after number two*.

We flush.

 

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**The other reason that I am not-buying you this is because you don't have a pet fish.