On the second night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

Welcome to the second day of Chanukah! 

Last night we lit the second candle. 

Candle number 2.

Number 2 is something of a tradition.

In the first year of not-giving, on day #2, it was underwear in a T.P. can.

In the following years, we enjoyed not-buying a variety of items:

woodsy T.P.

 fart filters and mitten butt wipes

reindeer pooping chocolate raisins..

Notice a trend?

What number two themed gift could I not-buy for you this year?

Well...

I noticed that you have been gardening. Not now, during Kislev, but earlier in Elul (you know, August). You were hefting some major mulch as you worked. 

You know what is even better for a garden?

Sh*t.

Manure, actually. It's all natural! It's building the soil! Improving your garden!

Goes** with our theme.

 There's slow release compost poop.

 

 

There's spiritually uplifting compost cow poop. This is called Wholly Cow.

 There is mildly insulting compost poop***.

 

 

You can let your doggie doo doo do it.

Or you can even do it yourself.

With all these options, and all these benefits, why wouldn't I buy this for you?

Simple, really.

I don't want to give you sh*t.

No sh*t.

Have a wonderful day Number Two of Chanukah! Hope everything comes out okay!
 

* the single asterisk stands for the letter "i"

** "Goes" - get it? Gotta GO...

*** Because it's chicken sh*t