On the eighth night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

 This is it! The last night of Chanukah- all eight candles, plus the helper shamash candle, have been lit.

Perhaps the most beautiful night of all.

And my last opportunity in 5785 to not buy you a Chanukah gift. 

So before I go, for when you gotta go, I did not buy for you:

This is the crap-strap so that you can poop in the woods with ease. 

It zips into itself so it's discreet and also holds POOP  BAGS! So you can clean up after yourself just like you do for your pooch!

Crap (Krap) Strap zipped and with supplies

Why did I not buy this for you? And why did I not not-buy it on night Number Two?

Reason Number One, it's winter. I don't think you're the hiking, hunting, camping-in-the-woods in January kind of guy. I could be wrong. Feel free to correct me if I am.

Number Two (heh heh), I wanted something special for the end of Chanukah. Something special to bring up the rear.

And this is designed to bring up your rear.

Rear view of rear

On the seventh night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

 It's the penultimate day of Chanukah! As I've mentioned before, Chanukah, like most Jewish holidays, begins at sundown and lasts until sundown of the next day. So last night was the seventh night of Chanukah, and today is the seventh day. 

What didn't I buy you for the seventh night?

This year, the colliding overlapping holidays meant that the seventh night of Chanukah was also New Year's Eve. 

The New Year is a traditional time for making resolutions, setting goals.

Here is something I did not buy for myself, which I am happy to not buy for you as well:

Just in case you are stuck for a resolution or goals for the new year, here is a handy list of multiple suggestions for the various areas of your life!

For you, specifically, for this year, specifically, I did not buy this motivational refrigerator magnet for a great new year's resolution.

You're welcome.

ONE MORE CRAZY NIGHT!

On the sixth night of Chanukah, I did not buy for you...

 I may have fallen just a bit behind on my posts. So many overlapping holidays this year, and travels, and shopping, and not-buying... you understand.

Almost all holidays have traditional foods associated with them, and Chanukah is no exception. Remembering the miracle of the oil and light, it is traditional to eat foods fried in oil. Latkes, for instance, are a favorite of the season, as are sufganiyot, jelly donuts fried in oil.

YUM!

I didn't buy you latkes- if you and I were in the same location, I would absolutely make you latkes. But alas, many miles separate us.

However, it's not latkes that I didn't buy you on the sixth night of Chanukah. Instead, I didn't buy you these:

Possum flavored candy canes

These are possum flavored candy canes. Lest you fear that I did not buy you these because of their association with the other holiday in December, rest assured that it is not so. I could have bought you, but I also did not buy you, these:

These possum flavored candies, individually wrapped, are not candy canes. They are just candy.

Possum flavored candy. Sweet gray and pink striped possum flavored candy.

I have not tried this candy, so I don't know if they truly taste like possum, although to be honest, I've never tried possum either, so I wouldn't be a very good judge.

The ad copy says, though, that the candy does taste like everyone's favorite marsupial. "Garbage fed, gourmet taste!" Also from the ad: "Some describe the flavor as being like pork, but with notes of piquant swill."

Piquant swill. Flavor like pork.

Inappropriate for a Jewish holiday, I say.

Although the ad also says that it's artificial possum flavoring, if that helps. Wondering why the artificial flavoring, with so much available source material along the roadways...