Friday, November 17, 2023

Hard hard day

Today  (October 30) I am feeling unwanted, unneeded, unnecessary. I'm feeling my imposter syndrome- if I am such a good teacher (I AM!) why do they (University admin) keep abusing me.

The (interim) chair of my department at Byzantine U, where I have been teaching (first as a graduate teaching assistant, then as part-time faculty) for over 20 years, has casually informed me that they "don't have a class for me" due to a senior tenured faculty coming "back" and therefore needing a class to teach and therefore taking the class I would have been teaching.

This was dropped in the midst of a message: "I've been thinking about you, about your loss, is there anything I can do..." then "Oh by the way..."

Yeah right. Lots of help.

That stung. 

I know I’m fragile and vulnerable. I try to take it into account. It’s still a struggle.





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