In between

 I'm working on capturing the trauma of what happened. There are drafts to post (or not) in future days.

I'm checking in on now, how I feel now.

Mostly I am still numb. I feel more rejection of this new reality than denial. Or perhaps that is the definition of denial. 

Odd things strike me with a sucker punch. Remembering to take out the garbage on Friday mornings. Ken always did that. I had to set an alarm on my phone so I will remember.

Contacting doctors and dentists I expected to be hard. It was hard.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and tell them to pause the autofill as I am traveling so much right now- and then I realized I have to stop Ken's prescriptions. And I had to stop, and breathe, and find a way to steady my voice.

My Hello Fresh order is coming soon; it's portions for two people. 

Odd things. Unexpected things. 

Small cracks in the dike between me and reality. Leaks.