What's on the not-giving agenda for today?
Some of you may know that my DSIL and DD* are now homeowners. New homeowners, and long-time homeowners, are sometimes tempted to "Do-It-Yourself". DIY. Just YouTube that pesky project or troublesome task and GET 'ER DONE!
I applaud this. I truly do, not withstanding that I have, over the course of my nearly 30 years of homeownership, accumulated a motley mix of epic fails at DIY and smart-move outsourcing (because I like being married to my husband, I will cheerfully pay for SOMEONE ELSE to install ceramic tile).
So, I leave these decisions to you- DIY or DDIY**.
However, be cautious. Don't get hurt crawling under plumbing or reaching the unreachable light (I have one of those unreachable lights. It is an eternal mystery how the bulb will ever be changed).
Because if you hurt yourself, you might need traction. And I am not buying you this:
WHAT IN ALL THAT IS HOLY HANUKAH*** IS THIS?
This, my friends, is a portable spinal traction device. Why bother with doctors, hospitals, and all that red tape and white gauze? You can DIY spinal traction.
You can "Relieve Back Pain with Daily Use." Just three easy steps: 1. Lie Down. 2. Bend Your Knees. 3. Push.
I profess myself a skeptic. I have used those three steps multiple times for various activities, but not for DIY spinal traction. I'm not starting now.
And neither are you.
Not to mention, this was an offering at the GROCERY STORE. Not the supermarket where they sell tangerines and tires, but the straight-up GROCERY STORE. #notgroceries
Not buying it.
Guess what else I'm not buying you?
Do It Yourself Dentistry? Oh, no.
Not buying it.
Why?
Is it safe? No.
No, it's not.
______________________________
*Dear Daughter, natch.
** Don't Do It Yourself, of course.
*** Actually, Hanukah is not the "holiest" of holidays, but "What in the Jumpin' Jewish Traditions" didn't have the same ring to it.
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