On the seventh night of Hannuka, I did not buy for you...

It is the seventh night. The penultimate night (I like that word, penultimate). I've been saving this night for things that I'm not buying for you, Dear Daughter's Significant Other, because, well, it's just inappropriate.

I KNOW! ME, saying something is "inappropriate"! But really...

 



Sponge Bob with his tongue out to wash your body is wrong. Dead wrong. So wrong. We are not going there.

Also wrong:

This has "built in fingers" -- "rubber fingers" that "reach deep into carpet".

Euphemism! Clearly, carpet means...

Well...

PLUS, it's REUSABLE. I'm not comfortable with that.

AND THERE ARE STILL MORE...

"Men's Sleep Shorts"? Really? How much sleeping is expected to be done in pants steeped in hot sauce?

And let us not forget:

 

Yes, I am aware that this is supposedly an "exercise" tool. BUT...

 

Shake?

Firm?

Fabulous?

 

 

AND I have seen the video on SNL

So, completely inappropriate.

 

I'm not getting any of these for you.

 

What you do with other consenting adults is completely up to you.

 

And Sponge Bob.