secret dreams

I have secret dreams for each of my children. I am holding them in my heart; I breathe these dreams into the ether.

I sing these dreams in my sleep.

Let there be joy and fulfillment and good work.

Going back is going forward!

I will write more soon- but, the short version is:

My mom went to her neurosurgeon. And: She can drive, she is cleared to live on her own!

And I spent a good deal of time on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday getting her home ready for her to go back to her own home.

She is thrilled. I am thrilled also- and a little nervous- sort of like taking my kids off to college..

solitude

Something I've discovered, as my mom's recovery has progressed and she is getting up in the morning when I do:

I need some solitude, some alone time, every day. I really enjoy a few minutes alone with my coffee and my thoughts.

I found that I enjoyed having a room to myself when I was in Moscow for a month.

I think I will refresh my basement bedroom/office to make it comfy for "me time".

GREAT first day!

I had a wonderful first day of classes! I had hugs from friends in faculty, and friends who were students, and I now have an office not only on the same floor as the theater department, but IN the theater department office!

It was so gratifying to be recognized and appreciated.

Both classes were fun and responsive to my stand-up comedy delivery of the syllabus... now to live up to the reputation!

EXCITED!

In a few minutes- after I print out the syllabi and blow dry my hair- I am OUT THE DOOR for the first day of class.

I am teaching TWO classes for upperclassmen and grad students in my MAJOR!

I was asked at the last minute.

I will be continuing prep all this week since my books did not arrive until last week!

And I am still underemployed and under paid- BUT!

I could not be more excited!

make it or break it.

I accepted a job for this summer. I am directing a musical! This is a first for me. I am definitely stepping out of my comfort zone.

I am directing for a youth group that is mainly homeschoolers. This is not a first for me.

It is also stepping outside of my comfort zone.

I've retired from "my" theater troupe of many years. "My" troupe was usually mostly homeschoolers, often far too conservative for my comfort. The balance of fun to frustration had tipped in a few instances, such as in a particularly poisonous experience with a comedy.

So, I am wondering why I've accepted a job with a far more conservative group?

Especially after today's meeting, when we dithered and dithered- well, *they* dithered and dithered- over the way to "handle" the kissing in the show *they* chose- The Music Man.

I'd talked over the issue- the issue of "fixing" an artistic work to make it more "comfortable"- as the one issue that I would have trouble with- at our first meeting. While there are some- minor- adaptations that might be made to this show or that, at some point, you have to make your artistic stand.

Because there will always be someone who wants push the adjustment and push and push until you finally are left with something that is bland and uninteresting and not theater and not the artistic work created by the playwright.

I thought that they had heard me. And here we are again, at the very next meeting, back at the same issue.

I am wondering if I made the right decision accepting this job.

One of two things will happen.

I'll help these folks learn to stand their ground on their theater artistry. After all, you can't make all the people happy. You can only stand on the work you believe in.

OR

I will be cured, once and for all, of this need to work with conservative groups.

On the one hand, life is too short to be forever fighting for your right to artistic integrity. As noted in a smart post, it's time to speak with my own voice.

On the other hand, how many young people or families have I introduced to a wider world than what they would have otherwise known?

synchronicity

What timing. What synchronicity. My daughter, the phenomenal writer, has decided to embrace inconvenience.

At the very same time that I've been thinking of the picayune petty inconveniences in my life. I've just returned from a driving trip to Florida to officiate at the wedding of a friend (a sort of wedding- I'll elaborate at some point). It is of course ironic that once again I'm officiating at a wedding. Although, I'm getting pretty passionate about people being able to get married who want to get married.

Any way, the entire trip was inconvenient.

First, I had to write the service. I will go into how challenging that was at another time.

Next, and the greatest inconvenience of all, really, Dear Husband K and I had to arrange for someone to be at our home, at least late night and early morning, each of the days that we were gone.

This is because my mom is currently living with us as she recovers from several major surgeries. Just one factor that made last year a truly challenging year.

Now, thanks to her continuing recovery and great progress, it is not for my mom, so much, that we need housesitters. It's for the dogs. And it's not for my dogs, it's for her dogs, who are also living with us for the duration.

MY dogs could go to the kennel. They've done it before, many, many times.

HER dogs could no way go to the kennel. They haven't had shots. HER dogs have never even had collars on them- until KG and I fetched them from my mom's house to my house.

Now getting someone to stay at the house with my mom had proved a great inconvenience and source of frustration in the past- when the need was truly great for my mom's sake. It was almost worse now that Mom doesn't really need the care- she can go and stay at someone's home- it's just the dogs.

Because my mom can't do stairs, and the way for the dogs to go outside to our fenced in back yard is via the stairs into the basement.

That's the one sticking point.

Once again, dh K did the calling. And once again, my brother stepped up to organize, after friction with my sister.

So, the next inconvenience was driving the 20 hours it took to get to our friend in Florida. We drove a LONG way. Fortunately, dh K and I are just fine together on long car trips. Still, I was wishing for the Star Trek "Beam me up Scottie" machine before we were half-past Georgia.

Despite all the inconveniences:

I am glad I went to Florida.

I am glad I am taking care of my mom.

I am glad I have dogs.

(Most of the time.)

(I don't know if I am ready to embrace the inconvenience of my mom having dogs ...)