Working on Endgame by Beckett with my class today. Not sure if I am up to the task. The Absurdists/Existentialists are tough going for me.
So fragmented.
But then, I suppose, so is life. It is only onstage that we get to decide on a superobjective and a through line of action that ties it all together.
I am getting better at posting here, and I keep thinking I should start to round up my diary/journal.
I have one, you know.
It is on paper napkins and scraps of paper.
It's on the backs of envelopes and the backs of the schedules for the substitute teacher.
My diary is hidden in to do lists.
My journal is wandering all over my house, in my messenger bags, in half-filled spiral notebooks and on tiny purse-sized pads of paper.
Now if I could only pull all those scraps together.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
what I have done today: OR, the power of positive procrastination
Today, as I was not called in to substitute teach, I decided that I would get all caught up on the grading for the college classes that I teach. So far, I have:
Not sure what is next.... oh, wait! I'm supposed to be grading...
- trimmed the cut flowers, culled the wilted ones and put rest in fresh water.
- removed and re-boxed the "slingshot" device my son installed to send our tv signal to his computer for the super bowl.
- dusted the buffet (since that's where the slingshot was, and where the flowers went)
- swept the floor
- cleared the dining room table and changed the tablecloth
- put away the dishes and re-loaded the dishwasher
- started the laundry
- tidied the bathroom and changed the towels
- wiped down the kitchen counters
- caught up on email
Not sure what is next.... oh, wait! I'm supposed to be grading...
Sunday, February 5, 2012
would you people shut up?
So I mentioned how charged any political conversation can become on my FB page.
Well, YESTERDAY, I posted a silly graphic that was essentially in support of gay marriage.
As of now, there are 32 comments. One main voice from my uber- conservative friends. And several from my more liberal friends. Over time, several of the liberals have eventually lost interest/patience with the uber-conservative- who will not shut up, nor acknowledge when another person has countered the argument effectively.
I guess they are having fun.
I've been drawn back in once or twice when something particularly annoying was said- for instance, when the Uber-C said that society consistently using the same institution for hundreds or thousands of years was a pretty good measure of its being "good" or "valid".
Please. Slavery? Women as chattel?
ANYWAY.
THIS is why I so seldom post these topics publicly.
But I ask you, gentle reader, should I post such things? Do you think the Uber-C or others watching from the sidelines might have their minds opened a bit?
Or is this just an exercise in frustration for all concerned?
Well, YESTERDAY, I posted a silly graphic that was essentially in support of gay marriage.
As of now, there are 32 comments. One main voice from my uber- conservative friends. And several from my more liberal friends. Over time, several of the liberals have eventually lost interest/patience with the uber-conservative- who will not shut up, nor acknowledge when another person has countered the argument effectively.
I guess they are having fun.
I've been drawn back in once or twice when something particularly annoying was said- for instance, when the Uber-C said that society consistently using the same institution for hundreds or thousands of years was a pretty good measure of its being "good" or "valid".
Please. Slavery? Women as chattel?
ANYWAY.
THIS is why I so seldom post these topics publicly.
But I ask you, gentle reader, should I post such things? Do you think the Uber-C or others watching from the sidelines might have their minds opened a bit?
Or is this just an exercise in frustration for all concerned?
new question
There is a particular person in our acquaintance that we will often characterize by saying-
What have you done for me lately?
Several in our circle feel that this is the continual subtext for this individual. No matter the size of the favor one might do for this person, once it is accomplished, the favor vanishes from memory.
However, looking over some of my recent activities, and those of some of my near and dear, I propose a new question:
What have I done for me lately?
I'm going to ask myself.
I suggest you do the same.
What have you done for me lately?
Several in our circle feel that this is the continual subtext for this individual. No matter the size of the favor one might do for this person, once it is accomplished, the favor vanishes from memory.
However, looking over some of my recent activities, and those of some of my near and dear, I propose a new question:
What have I done for me lately?
I'm going to ask myself.
I suggest you do the same.
Friday, February 3, 2012
this is the truth
On so many forums, I am guarded.
I have a wide range of acquaintances and friends. There are some who are liberal, and some who are conservative. Some who are REALLY liberal and some who are UBER conservative.
On shallow social media, I don't have the time and the band width to fight it all out. To tell what I think, and why, with all the nuance and sometime shadows.
I have also felt, over the years, that as I have been thrown in the conservative arena, that maybe there is a reason.
When I don't alienate, when I go slow, perhaps I may *slowly* give people reason to stop and think.
Still:
Truth #1: At least at the moment, very few people read this blog. So there is less risk of a fire storm when I tell you:
I am a liberal. Most of the time.
About most things.
There is an old saw that if you are conservative before 30 you have no heart, and if you are liberal after 30 you have no brain.
Well, I am still liberal well past 30.
In fact, in some ways I am getting more liberal as I get older.
I said to my daughter a few years ago: You know, it seems like the older I get the more socialist I get.
Oh, my daughter said, how Jewish of you!
In the past when I have posted something relatively mild such as:
No one should go without health care because they can't afford it
on the Book of Face, I have had dozens of comments fighting it out for and against affordable health care- without my entering the conversation! People who don't know one another slugging it out on the page of the one person they have in common: me.
I'm a bit bolder now. I'm reflecting on this because of the Susan G. Komen controversy. Not only did I post (along with, I don't know, a gazillion other people) in protest of the organization's original decision to withdraw funding from Planned Parenthood, and in celebration of the reversal of that decision, but I have also been posting about gay marriage, the budget crisis, health care and more.
Posting a clever graphic isn't enough. But it is a start.
Truth #2: I am a liberal because I have a sense of justice and fairness.
It is ironic that I owe this sense of justice and fairness in large part to my Dad, who is hugely conservative these days.
I know (Truth #3) that I am smarter than most people. I was born with lots of advantages: intelligence, relatively good health, white skin, two parents - at least one of whom was continuously employed with a job that provided health care for the family.
Every one of those advantages is HUGE. I cannot help but think of those born without one of those advantages- and what if someone is born without ANY?
(Knee-jerk liberal apologia #1: it isn't that I think white skin is BETTER: it's just an undeniable advantage in this society).
It is not a person's fault if s/he is born into poverty, or with a skin color that is discriminated against, or with limited cognitive ability.
It is important that society helps those who need it. I mean, isn't that why we have government?
"We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
I have a wide range of acquaintances and friends. There are some who are liberal, and some who are conservative. Some who are REALLY liberal and some who are UBER conservative.
On shallow social media, I don't have the time and the band width to fight it all out. To tell what I think, and why, with all the nuance and sometime shadows.
I have also felt, over the years, that as I have been thrown in the conservative arena, that maybe there is a reason.
When I don't alienate, when I go slow, perhaps I may *slowly* give people reason to stop and think.
Still:
Truth #1: At least at the moment, very few people read this blog. So there is less risk of a fire storm when I tell you:
I am a liberal. Most of the time.
About most things.
There is an old saw that if you are conservative before 30 you have no heart, and if you are liberal after 30 you have no brain.
Well, I am still liberal well past 30.
In fact, in some ways I am getting more liberal as I get older.
I said to my daughter a few years ago: You know, it seems like the older I get the more socialist I get.
Oh, my daughter said, how Jewish of you!
In the past when I have posted something relatively mild such as:
No one should go without health care because they can't afford it
on the Book of Face, I have had dozens of comments fighting it out for and against affordable health care- without my entering the conversation! People who don't know one another slugging it out on the page of the one person they have in common: me.
I'm a bit bolder now. I'm reflecting on this because of the Susan G. Komen controversy. Not only did I post (along with, I don't know, a gazillion other people) in protest of the organization's original decision to withdraw funding from Planned Parenthood, and in celebration of the reversal of that decision, but I have also been posting about gay marriage, the budget crisis, health care and more.
Posting a clever graphic isn't enough. But it is a start.
Truth #2: I am a liberal because I have a sense of justice and fairness.
It is ironic that I owe this sense of justice and fairness in large part to my Dad, who is hugely conservative these days.
I know (Truth #3) that I am smarter than most people. I was born with lots of advantages: intelligence, relatively good health, white skin, two parents - at least one of whom was continuously employed with a job that provided health care for the family.
Every one of those advantages is HUGE. I cannot help but think of those born without one of those advantages- and what if someone is born without ANY?
(Knee-jerk liberal apologia #1: it isn't that I think white skin is BETTER: it's just an undeniable advantage in this society).
It is not a person's fault if s/he is born into poverty, or with a skin color that is discriminated against, or with limited cognitive ability.
It is important that society helps those who need it. I mean, isn't that why we have government?
"We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
courage in baby steps
As you may have noticed in yesterday's post, I am having a low point in my self-confidence.
Here is my courage today:
I will not hide out in the office on the second floor to which I still have a key. I will go right in to my main floor-almost-in-your-face-office.
(armed with brownies - they will have to like me, right?)
Here is my courage today:
I will not hide out in the office on the second floor to which I still have a key. I will go right in to my main floor-almost-in-your-face-office.
(armed with brownies - they will have to like me, right?)
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
sometimes vulnerable
Sometimes I feel vulnerable.
For instance:
I've been gradually gaining ground on my two classes. I am teaching two classes, both for theater majors, both for upperclassmen only. I LOVE the subject matter and the students.
However, I was asked to teach the classes just 3 weeks before classes started. (Literally, to the day, 3 weeks before the first class). For one of the classes, I had half of a syllabus started. I had a text picked out, since that class was "Development 2" and I had taught Development 1 previously- so, same format and text, just the second half of the text with the later time period.
For the other, though, I had NO clue. I gratefully accepted a draft syllabus from one of the better *teaching* profs who hadn't actually *taught* the class though he had originally designed the course with an eye to his teaching.
I ordered all the books on his syllabus- over $200 and I already had some of them and I bought most of the rest used...
Then I looked the books over, cut the list in half, and worked out a format that I could live with.
AND while I have had great feedback from students and from other faculty that the students have confided in-
I still feel unprepared.
I feel like I don't fit in.
I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with my life.
For instance:
I've been gradually gaining ground on my two classes. I am teaching two classes, both for theater majors, both for upperclassmen only. I LOVE the subject matter and the students.
However, I was asked to teach the classes just 3 weeks before classes started. (Literally, to the day, 3 weeks before the first class). For one of the classes, I had half of a syllabus started. I had a text picked out, since that class was "Development 2" and I had taught Development 1 previously- so, same format and text, just the second half of the text with the later time period.
For the other, though, I had NO clue. I gratefully accepted a draft syllabus from one of the better *teaching* profs who hadn't actually *taught* the class though he had originally designed the course with an eye to his teaching.
I ordered all the books on his syllabus- over $200 and I already had some of them and I bought most of the rest used...
Then I looked the books over, cut the list in half, and worked out a format that I could live with.
AND while I have had great feedback from students and from other faculty that the students have confided in-
I still feel unprepared.
I feel like I don't fit in.
I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with my life.
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